Vegas Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Best hooker in Las Vegas

    Hot 3 years ago

    A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much?"
    Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
    Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job? No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
    The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
    "Yes."
    "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
    "Yes."
    "And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
    "Yes."
    "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
    Guy says, "What the hell? I'll give it a try."
    They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he more...

    The Lucky Frog
    Abe lives in Tel Aviv. One day, he takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. Abe thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron". Abe looks around and doesn`t see anyone.
    "Ribbit. 9 Iron." And then Abe realises that the frog is doing the talking.
    He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the hole. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that`s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." Abe decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
    "What do you think, frog?" Abe asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." Abe takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. Abe is befuddled and doesn`t know what to say. .
    By the end of the day, Abe has golfed the best game of more...

    Vegas!

    Hot 3 years ago

    A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?"
    She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!"
    Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
    When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year!"

    The Cab

    Hot 6 months ago

    A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
    So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
    The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the
    hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
    One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.
    Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well, who should he see more...

    A man claims he shipped himself from New York to Las Vegas via UPS. UPS said they would not comment until between 2pm and 4pm, or tomorrow after 10am.

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