Hmo Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck and line up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven. Saint Peter asks them to identify themselves.
One doctor steps forward and says, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon. I helped hundreds of kids overcome their
deformities." Saint Peter says, "Enter."

The other doctor says, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped rehabilitate thousands of people." Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven.
The third applicant steps forward and says, "I was an HMO manager. I helped countless people get cost-effective health care." Saint Peter tells him, "You can come in, too."
As the HMO manager walks by, Saint Peter adds, "But you can only stay for 3 days..."

Top Ten Signs You Know You've Joined A Redneck HMO...
10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape.
9. The only 100% covered expense is embalming.
8. Your Prozac comes in colors and has little 'm's on each pill.
7. Preventive Care Coverage includes 'an apple a day'.
6. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
5. The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy.
4. The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter.
3. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
2. Directions to the Dr.'s office include 'Take a left when you enter the trailer park'.
1. The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO (health maintenance organization) have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their lives.
The doctor says, "I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for and healing thousands of poor people."
Saint Peter says, "That's great. Go ahead into heaven. And what about you, nurse?"
The nurse says, "I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult."
Saint Peter replies, "Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?"
The HMO director says, "I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country." Saint Peter says, "Oh, I see. Please go in. .. but you can only stay two nights!"

Top Ten Signs You Know You've Joined A Redneck HMO... Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape. The only 100% covered expense is embalming. Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m's on each pill. Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a day". Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy. The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. Directions to the Dr.'s office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park". The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's.

Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same. Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification? A. No. Only those you need. Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want? A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining more...

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.
The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a
mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to
the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well, and we are
now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, it is either bad or
terrible!"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for
AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?"
"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive
tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If
she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor ‘what did you do on Earth? ’
The Doctor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, ‘you may go in. ’
St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her ‘you may go in. ’
St. Peter asked the third man, ‘what did you do? ’ The man hung his head and replied, ‘I ran a large HMO. ’ To which St. Peter replied, ‘you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days. ’