Alternative Jokes

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    On the other hand, you

    Hot 1 year ago

    On the other hand, you have different fingers.

    HMO Q&A

    Hot 6 years ago

    Q. What does HMO stand for?
    A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

    Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
    A. No. Only those you need.

    Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
    A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the more...

    EMACS: Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift
    EMACS: Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping
    EMACS: Even a Master of Arts Comes Simpler
    EMACS: Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and Surreal
    EMACS: Energetic Merchants Always Cultivate Sales
    EMACS: Each Manual's Audience is Completely Stupified
    EMACS: Emacs Means A Crappy Screen
    EMACS: Eventually Munches All Computer Storage
    EMACS: Even My Aunt Crashes the System
    EMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete Simplicity
    EMACS: Elsewhere Maybe Alternative Civilizations Survive
    EMACS: Egregious Managers Actively Court Stallman
    EMACS: Esoteric Malleability Always Considered Silly
    EMACS: Emacs Manuals Always Cause Senility
    EMACS: Easily Maintained with the Assistance of Chemical Solutions
    EMACS: Edwardian Manifestation of All Colonial Sins
    EMACS: Extended Macros Are Considered Superfluous
    EMACS: Every Mode Accelerates Creation of Software
    EMACS: Elsewhere Maybe All Commands are more...

    EMACS: Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-ShiftEMACS: Eight Megabytes And Constantly SwappingEMACS: Even a Master of Arts Comes SimplerEMACS: Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and SurrealEMACS: Energetic Merchants Always Cultivate SalesEMACS: Each Manual's Audience is Completely StupifiedEMACS: Emacs Means A Crappy ScreenEMACS: Eventually Munches All Computer StorageEMACS: Even My Aunt Crashes the SystemEMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete SimplicityEMACS: Elsewhere Maybe Alternative Civilizations SurviveEMACS: Egregious Managers Actively Court StallmanEMACS: Esoteric Malleability Always Considered SillyEMACS: Emacs Manuals Always Cause SenilityEMACS: Easily Maintained with the Assistance of Chemical SolutionsEMACS: Edwardian Manifestation of All Colonial SinsEMACS: Extended Macros Are Considered SuperfluousEMACS: Every Mode Accelerates Creation of SoftwareEMACS: Elsewhere Maybe All Commands are SimpleEMACS: Emacs May Allow Customised ScrewupsEMACS: Excellent Manuals Are Clearly more...

    Every parent occasionally has a disagreement with their kids. There is a brief moment when you consider the options...
    Doorstops
    Boat anchors
    Speed bumps
    Target practice
    Decoys
    Pitbull snacks
    Elevator counterweights
    Shark bait
    Crash dummies
    And the Number One alternative thing to do with children...
    Organ donor

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