Moe Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Mick & Moe

    Hot 1 year ago

    Mick and Moe were arrested for smoking dope; they appeared in court on Friday. After hearing the charges against them, the judge said, "You seem like nice young men.... and this is your first offense. I'm going to give you both a second chance. Rather than wasted time in jail, you could be of great value to our community. Go out this weekend and explain to others the evils of drug use.... try to convince them to give up drugs forever! Be back in this same courtroom on Monday at 9 o'clock sharp."
    Monday, the two reappeared before the judge. "How did you do over the weekend?" he asked of Mick. "Well, Sir, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
    "Seventeen! That's wonderful!" What did you tell them?" asked the judge. "I used a diagram, your Honor," explained Mick. "I drew two circles; I told them' the big circle is your brain before drugs; the small circle is your brain after drugs.' "
    "That's more...

    HMO Q&A

    Hot 6 years ago

    Q. What does HMO stand for?
    A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

    Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
    A. No. Only those you need.

    Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
    A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the more...

    Moe: My wife converted me to religion. Joe: Really? Moe: Yes. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.

    Moe: My wife converted me to religion. Joe: Really? Moe: Yes. Until I married her I didnt believe in hell.

    For more than 30 years, New York magazine has run a contest in which contestants take a well-known foreign language expression, change a single letter, and provide a definition for the new expression. Here are some favorites.

    Harlez-vous franais?
    CAN YOU DRIVE A FRENCH MOTOCYCLE?

    Cogito Eggo Sum.
    I THINK; THEREFORE I AM A WAFFLE.

    Rigor morris.
    THE CAT IS DEAD.

    Repondez-vous s'il vous plaid.
    HONK IF YOU'RE SCOTTISH.

    Que sera serf.
    LIFE IS FEUDAL.

    Posh mortem.
    DEATH STYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS.

    Pro Bozo publico
    SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL CLOWN.

    Aps Moe le deluge.
    LARRY AND MOE GOT WET.

    Haste cuisine.
    FAST FRENCH FOOD.

    Veni, vidi, vice.
    I CAME, I SAW, I PARTIED.

    Mazel ton.
    TONS OF LUCK.

    Aloha oy.
    LOVE; GREETINGS; FAREWELL; FROM SUCH A PAIN YOU SHOULD NEVER KNOW.

    Visa la France.
    DON'T LEAVE more...

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