Haryanvi Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mediocre Haryanavi lad somehow managed to reach the finals of a boxing competition. At the final encounter, he had to face a tough Jat from Uttar Pradesh who happened to be a former heavyweight champion. When the Haryanavi boxer was proceeding towards the ring where the much-awaited bout was to take place, it was noticed that he hung back.
"C'mon- It's all right," said the Haryanavi's coach with a view to boosting his morale. "Just say to yourself' I'm going to knock him out' and see, you'll be the ultimate winner."
"That's no good, Sir," replied the hopeless Haryanavi boxer. "Manne malum sai ki mein kitna jhoota sai (I know what a liar I am)."

A Haryanavi peasant came to the office of The Hindustan Times to place an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm.," the clerk told him.
"Main to lut jaoonga - I'll be ruined," exclaimed the Haryanavi. "My father was 182 cms tall."

A TOUGH Haryanvi peasant swaggered into a restaurant and ordered for empty tumbler and a lemon. He asked everyone to look as he squeezed the lemon into the glass with his powerful hands. "If anyone here can get as much out of a lemon as I have I will give him five rupees."
A thin, bespectacled clerk accepted the challenge. With his frail hands he got more juice out of the lemon than the Haryanvi. "Wonderful!" exclaimed the Chaudhary, handing over the fiver, "but tell me how did you manage to squeeze out more than I?"
"I am from the income tax department," replied the little fellow.

A HARYANVI peasant being taken ill came to Delhi and was admitted to the All India Institute of Medical Sciences. Internee medical students came round in turns to examine him.

Being Bengalis, Tamils and Punjabis none of them could understand what the ailing Haryanvi was saying to them in his dialect.

Ultimately a Haryanvi lad working as a compounder in the hospital pharmacy came in, and asked, "Taoo, tainey kay hogaya (Uncle what's gone wrong with you)?"

The peasant beamed: "Rey chhoray, daktar to too sey, bakee to sab kampoder laagain sey (O boy, you must be the real doctor, those others appear to be compounders)."

A HARYANVI peasant was given to gambling. Much as his wife nagged himinto giving up the bad habit, she failed. Ultimately she decided to put down her foot. "As from today there will be no gambling in this house. Gambling is a sin," she announced.

"How can it be a sin?" her husband protested'.

"Men have been gambling since the times of the Mahabharat. Nobody called them sinful."

"Okay, if you want to follow the heroes of the Mahabharat, I can do the same. Remember, Draupadi had five husbands."

2 Haryanvi men were searching for their lost wife in a festival at Hissar city.
First Haryanvi: How does your wife look like?
Second Haryanvi: She is 5' 7", 36-24-36 sexy figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair... And yours?
First Haryanvi: Forget mine, let us look for yours...

A JAT happened to be going to another village, holding his charpoy on his head.

A tailee (one who grinds oil seeds to extract oil), passing by, remarked;']at re jat, tere sar pe khat.' (Jat, oh Jat, your bed is on your head.)

Wanting to be one-up, the rustic Jat remarked,' Tailee, re Tailee, tere sar pe kohlu. ' (Tailee, oh Tailee, the oil grinder is on your head.)

The tailee retorted,' Bid na lagee'. (It doesn't rhyme.)

The Jat guffawed and replied,' Susre, bojh se to mara!' (So what! you'll die due to the weight on your head!)