A tough old Badlands rancher once told his grandson that the secret to long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren. .. and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Last December, a grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T."
She continued, "There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in,and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy," replied the grandson, "but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?
To which she answered, "You're coming empty handed?"
A cowboy has lived to an extremely old age, and one day his grandson asked him to what he attributes his long life.
"Well, you know that every morning, I have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast," says the old timer. His grandson nods. "Before I eat it, I sprinkle a little gunpowder on it, every day," The ancient cowpoke adds. The grandson decides to follow his grandfather's breakfast regimen, and each morning of his life, he has oatmeal with gunpowder sprinkled on it.
Sure enough, the grandson lives to the ripe old age of 97, and when he died, he left seven children, twenty one grandchildren, eighteen great-grandchildren, and a fifteen foot hole in the side of the crematorium.
[Offensive to large bodies of water]
The old Jewish man was walking on the beach with his only grandson,
when a giant wave crashes onshore, sweeping the boy out to sea.
The man looks up to the heavens and says, "Oh Lord, this is my only
grandson, how can you take him away from me like this? My son will
not understand. My daughter-in-law will die from grief."
Another wave comes by, and deposits the boy at the old man's feet.
The grandfather looks to the heavens again and says, "He had a hat!"
A grandfather and his young grandson were playing a round of golf together. On a severely dog-legged par 4, the grandfather said, "When I was your age, I would aim right over those trees and hit the green every time."
The grandson thought about the comment for a moment and decided to give it a try. He hit a perfect drive, but it landed smack in the middle of the fifty-foot trees.
The grandson looked sadly at his grandfather, who said, "Then again, when I was your age, those trees were only seven feet tall."