Grain Jokes / Recent Jokes

It goes against the grain of modern education to teach children to program. What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail and learning to be self-critical?

WORLD FAMOUS SOUTHERN TALK
BECOME A NATIVE SOUTHERNER

How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson

Aig - What a hen lays

Aints - He's got aints in his paints

Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a mornin

Arn - Ma's tard of arnin

Bag - He bagged her to marry him

Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence

Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.

Bub - the light bub burned out

Cheer - What you set in

Crick - A small stream

Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any' coon

Chiny - country over in Asia

Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes

Core - He got hisself a new Ford core

Cyow - Animal on Farm

Deppity - He helps out the shurf

Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt

Dainz - Satidy night social

Ellum - A graceful tree

Fanger - What you put your rang more...

A man who had asked his guest to stay for a cup of tea sent his servant to borrow some tea leaves from his neighbor. He ate two grain cakes each morning before going out to work. The cakes made him a bit tipsy every morning. One day he met a friend who asked: "Did you drink some wine this morning?" "No. No. I only had some grain cakes for breakfast, that's all." He replied. When he told his wife about this after returning home, his wife said: "You should have told him that you did have some wine just to keep up the appearance." So, the other day when the poor man met his same friend again and the friend asked the same question, the poor man replied that he did have some wine. His friend continued to ask: "Did you have hot wine or cold wine?" "It was baked." The poor man said. His friend burst into laughter and said: "You had no wine but your old grain cakes!!" When the poor man's wife learnt about it, she shouted at the poor more...

Just outside of Wichita, a 21-year old farm boy was driving a grain
harvester across his winter wheat field to collect the crop. This particular piece of farm equipment has huge rotating blades that cut down the wheat stalks. At some point during the harvesting, the driver's cowboy hat was blown off by the wind and hurtled some distance in front of the blades.

Thinking that the tractor was not moving fast enough to warrant stopping -- or perhaps just not thinking at all -- he jumped down and ran in front of the tractor to collect his hat. It was still being blown around by the wind, and after chasing it for a bit, he finally caught up with it. Meanwhile, the harvester had caught up with him, and his body was found scattered across the wheat field.

Local authorities were contacted by a neighbor who noticed the tractor crossing Highway 96 with no driver.