Two guys are in a bar and the guy says to his friend, "I wanna lose 10 pounds."
His friend says, "Okay give me one hundred dollars."
The guy gives him the money and leaves the bar.
A day later a hot chick is in the guy's front yard. She says, "If you can catch me, I will have sex with you."
The guy chases her around for an hour and loses 10 pounds.
The next day a guy tells the first guy's friend, "I wanna lose 20 pounds."
The friend says, "Okay give me two hundred dollars."
The second guy gives the friend the money and leaves.
The next day a hot chick is in the second guy's yard.
She says, "If you can catch me you can have sex with me."
The second guy chases her around for two hours and loses 20 pounds.
The next day a fast olympic athlete tells the guys' friend he wants to lose 30 pounds.
The guys' friend thinks and then finally says, "Okay give me three hundred more...
A man walked into the clubhouse and noticed a friend sitting in a corner wearing a neck brace.He sat down and asked his mate what happened."Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough," replied his friend."Then I met a chick who was looking for her ball too. Finding mine, I thought I'd give her a hand. There was a cow nearby and I noticed that every time the cow twitched its tail there was a flash of white. So I went over to it and lifted its tail and sure enough there was the ball. I called out to the chick and said, 'Lady, does this look like yours?' And the bitch hit me in the neck with her driver!"
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places more...
If a guy is a "chick magnet", and opposites attract, doesn't that make him gay?
Imagine a farm. On the farm there live a chick and a horse. One day the horse gets stuck in a swamp at the bottom of a field so it says:
"Help Chick pull me out!"
The chick obliges and gets it's Harley Davidson to help pull horse out and all is well.
Two weeks later chick gets stuck in the same swamp and shouts for horse to help.
Horse comes to the rescue and straddles the swamp saying "Grab on!". Sure enough he pulls chick safely out of the swamp.
And the moral of the story is:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a bike to pull chicks!