General Jokes / Recent Jokes

A general and a private are going to a city. At the next stop, a lady and her teenage daughter get on and sit down in the same cabin as the general and the private.
They ride along and they get to a tunnel. The cabin is completely dark. This is what is heard: a kiss and then a slap.
The mother thinks: That rude private kissed my daughter, but she showed him.
The daughter thinks: That old nasty general kissed me, but my mother slapped him.
The general thinks: Sombody hit me.
The private thinks: I am pretty smart. I kiss the girl, and got to slap the general.

At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?" "Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general. "And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks. "The likelihood is that it will be China." The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?" "Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time." "But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have more...

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?" "Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!""Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

One day an American General, a Russian General and an Indian General were all going to England in a ship. All of them were very boastful.
AG: "I have the bravest and most courageous crew in the world. See for yourselves. Oy, you!" (he called to an American soldier) "Swim around this moving ship."
The American soldier jumped into the sea without a word, and swam around the moving ship and returned.
AG: See the guts!
RG: "Oh, that's nothing. See this. You, (he called to a Russian soldier) swim 5 rounds around this moving ship!"
The Russian soldier also jumped into the sea and swam 5 times around the moving ship and returned.
RG: "See the guts!"
IG: "Oh, that's nothing compared to MY soldiers. You, (he called to Banta Singh) swim 10 times around this moving ship!"
Banta Singh: "Am I your servant?"
IG: "See the guts!"
AG & RG :....!!!

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head."There was this black guy once" she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body. "That must be the Chinese guy I slept with" she said. Then one more scream and the baby? s white legs were born, "Ah - that was the husbands bit" she said.The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said "Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark !!!"

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: “So how are your men? ”
“Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie. ”
“I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they’re the bravest men all over the country. ” “Well, my men are very brave, too. ”
“I’d like to see that. ”
So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: “Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body! ”
“Are you crazy? It’d kill me, you idiot! I’m out of here! ” As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:
“You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general. ”

A blind man walked into A womens bar.He asked the bartender"do you wanna hear a blond joke?" the bar tender replied "I just wanted to let you know before you go on with your blond joke that the women beside you is a blond heavy weight champion, the blond on the other side of you is a blond boxer, and I am a blond body builder.I just wanted to make sure you knew this before you went on with your joke.Do you still want to?" the blind man got up and replied "No because I dont want to have to repeat it three times!" with that he walked out.
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A blonde was sitting in a canoe in the middle of a wheat feild. A SUV drove up next to the field and an other blonde stepped out. "Its blondes like you that give other blondes a bad name. So im gonna swim out there and tip over your canoe."
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"Some say blondes have more...