Forty Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Soviet emigre boy and girl come to a doctor's office and say: "Doctor, we would like to know if we are screwing properly. Will you watch us, please?"The doctor, somewhat puzzled, agrees, they climb on his table, the boy gets on top of the girl, and they have sex. After observing them, the doctor says, "Yes, you're having sex properly. That will be forty dollars."They come back the next day with the same request, but this time the boy enters the girl from the rear. They keep coming for four days in a row, using different positions every day.On the fifth visit the doctor says, "Why do you keep on coming back? I told you you're having sex properly."The boy explains, "The hotel room costs the same forty dollars, but this way we get reimbursed by Medicaid."

Child Ballad 37 deals with Thomas the Rhymer. . . this piece is based upon that and, of course, interaction I observed among SCAdians

True Aubrey in Lady Christiana's Den
(or Spare Room, as the case may be: -)

1 Lord Aubrey visited a shire
And he beheld a ladie gay,
A ladie whose hospitalitie
Was knowne through mundane Thunder Bay

2 Her manor ringed around with snow
Was warm, and lit with lanterns bryht
Ant for Aubrey, who sought crash space
Looked fair to spend the nyht

3 True Aubrey he took off his hat,
And bowed him low down till his knee:
' All hail, thou Queen of Heaven's Lodging!
For its peer on earth I never did see.'

4' O no, O no, Lord Aubrey,' she says,
' This hall is not that which you name;
I offer but my humble home,
If you've come here for to visit me.

* * * * *

5 But ye maun stay wi me now, Aubrey,
Dear Sherriff, ye maun stay more...

Q. What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?
A. The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
"Okay", she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, more...

A pretty woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when the car breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?"
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. "Okay," she says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't more...

Who are the five most constipated men in the Old Testament? 1) Cain wasn't Abel. 2) Moses went up onto the mountain and took two tablets. 3) King David sat on the throne for forty years. 4) Solomon - neither heaven nor Earth could move him. 5) Noah was at sea for forty days and forty nights and all he passed was water.

A couple married forty years were revisiting the same placesthey went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secludedcountryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence runningalong the road. The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we didhere forty years ago." The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, andhe immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a junebug. Theymade love like never before. Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never movedlike that forty years ago--or any time since that I can remember!"The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!"