Features Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Airline Speech

    Hot 1 year ago

    In my own words: "I was flying from SFO to PDX on Friday, and the flight attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane looking at each other like' what the heck?' (Getting PDX people to look at each other is an accomplishment.) So once we got airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it."

    Before takeoff...
    "Hello, and welcome to Alaska Flight 438 to Portland. If you're going to Portland, you're in the right place. If you're not going to Portland, you're about to have a really long evening."

    "We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft. The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is...The Flight Attendants. Please look at one now."

    "There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're more...

    CAT User's Manual

    Hot 6 years ago

    CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
    User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
    Features:
    User Friendly
    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video and Audio Input
    Audio Output
    Auto Search Capability for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Mouse Driven
    Self Cleaning
    Production Details:
    After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
    onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
    installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
    there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
    units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
    may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
    units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

    Architect programmer

    Hot 6 years ago

    If architects had to work like programmers...Dear Mr. Architect, Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If more...

    JehovaScript

    Hot 3 years ago

    The next generation embeddable scripting language for the web!
    JehovaScript (JS) is a powerful language with many advantages over
    current scripting systems. Its features include active alerts, a
    miracle system and error-collection. Rather than being defined as
    DOM-compliant, object-oriented or nth-generation, JS is
    Buzzword-Compliant, so your place at the forefront of technology is
    guaranteed regardless of trend-changes in the world of computing.
    Main features
    Miracles
    Each run of a JS program is entitled to three miracles. This allows
    you to deal gracefully with unexpected problems: you can create the
    needed RAM if memory allocation fails, or temporarily change the
    user's browser if the current browser does not support a certain
    feature of the language.
    Polymorphic constants
    Rather than create specialized logic for different situations, you can
    change the interpreters beliefs about constants. For example, the more...

    Architect programmer

    Hot 2 years ago

    If architects had to work like programmers. . .

    Dear Mr. Architect,

    Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.

    My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

    Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

    As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of more...

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