Ex-wife Jokes / Recent Jokes
An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and inthe center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and startedto rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and hesaid "I want to know the person you hate the most"The explorer said "Thats gotta be my ex-wife. Why?""I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever youwish for your ex-wife will get double the amount.""OK, I wish for a billion dollars""Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion""I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tenniscourts, everything""Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish"The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with astick and said "Ya see this stick, Id like you to beat me half to death."
An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and inthe center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and startedto rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and hesaid "I want to know the person you hate the most"The explorer said "That's gotta be my ex-wife. Why?" "I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever youwish for your ex-wife will get double the amount." "OK, I wish for a billion dollars""Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion""I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tenniscourts, everything""Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish"The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with astick and said "Ya see this stick, I'd like you to beat me half to death."
Dear Star Savior,
Hi. I'm actor Charlie Sheen. In some angry voice mail I sent my ex-wife Denise Richards in 2005, I used the N-word and the C-word. The message was leaked onto the Internet this week, and I'm catching a lot of heat for it. I have apologized for my choice of words, but I'm not sure that was enough. What should I do?
Dear Charlie,
I'm OK with you hitting your ex-wife with the N-word and C-word, but your voice mail is a sign of a problem: Technology is ruining racism and sexism.
It’s sad. There are people who have never used a slur face-to-face, the way the pioneers did it. Back then, showing hate was an event, something to plan a day around. But now, people like you just fire off some e-mail or voice mail, throw in a halfhearted slur or two, then go on with their lives. It's just another task on your to-do list: "Buy Batteries. Lunch Meeting. Hate."
But you can use your celebrity to help turn things around. more...
A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself. "Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!" Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results. He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling. "Look, Bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going to get that through your fat head?" "Oh, I know! I just can't hear it enough!"
A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.
"Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!"
Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results.
He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling. "Look, Bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going to get that through your fat head?"
"Oh, I know! I just can't hear it enough!"
A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to
himself.
"Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!"
Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results.
He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who
it is that keeps calling. "Look, Bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of
story! When are you going to get that through your fat head?"
"Oh, I know! I just can't hear it enough!"