An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and inthe center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and startedto rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and hesaid "I want to know the person you hate the most"The explorer said "That's gotta be my ex-wife. Why?""I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever youwish for your ex-wife will get double the amount.""OK, I wish for a billion dollars""Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion""I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tenniscourts, everything""Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish"The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with astick and said "Ya see this stick, I'd like you to beat me half to death."
An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said "I want to know the person you hate the most" The explorer said "That's gotta be my ex-wife. Why?" "I am a cursed genie, I will grant you three wishes but whatever you wish for your ex-wife will get double the amount." "OK, I wish for a billion dollars" "Granted, but your ex-wife gets two billion" "I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything" "Granted your ex-wife gets two. This is your final wish" The explorer walked around the room and came back to the genie with a stick and said "Ya see this stick, I'd like you to beat me half to death."
A lonely explorer is lost in the jungle and gets caught by a tribe of cannibals.
He is brought to the chief who speaks his judgement:
You shall be eaten alive!
Unless you succeed in the three tests of liberty!
The guy naturely agrees to perform the tests, for it is his last hope of escape.
The Chief sentences hil to the test of the jungle:
"First, you go in first hut and drink everything".
"Then, you go in second hut, and break legs of lion!"
"Last, you go in third hut and bring oldest tribe member (130 years old) to orgasm."
The explorer enters the first hut and drinks 3 bottles of wine, 2 bottles of whisky and a crate of beer.
After an hour he comes out, drunk as never before, and stumbles into the second hut.
Suddenly hell breaks loose. Dust flies around, and the hut shakes wildly from left to right.
The cannibals fear that their supper is being eaten by the lion, and just before they decide to kill the more...
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Congratulations on your purchase of Windows 98 (c), the latest version of the world's #1 computer operating system from Microsoft.
Before using your new software, please take the time to read these instructions carefully. Failure to do so may further limit the terms of the limited warranty. Windows 98 (c) represents a significant technological improvement over Microsoft's previous operating system, Windows 95 (c). You'll notice immediately that
"98" is a higher number than "95"
a better than 3 percent increase.
But that's not all. Windows 98 (c) contains many features not found in Windows 95 (c), or in any competing computer operating system, (if there are any of course).
Among the improvements:
faster storing and retrieving of files (not in all models),
enhanced "Caps Lock" and back-space functionality,
less knocking and pinging,
An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!." There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay... NOW you're screwed."