Ernie Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish. It's a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.)
"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" my son demanded.
"But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally more...

A Brooklyn lawyer named Ernie successfully defends a major crime lord from charges of dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms. As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs him by the arm and says, “Young man, where are your scruples? Isn’t there anyone too low for you to defend?”“I don’t know,” Ernie replies, “What have you done?”