Peered Jokes

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    Hamsters & Babies

    Hot 2 years ago

    Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:

    Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.

    "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me.

    "Oldest trick in the book, son," I informed him.

    "You go in to see what's wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you on the head. Then they change into your clothes and escape."

    "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

    I put my best hamster-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking distressed. I immediately knew what to do. Call the professional.

    "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

    "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. more...

    CRAP

    Hot 5 years ago

    A young man went to a house to pick up his blind date. The girl wasn't quite ready, so her father invited the lad to sit on the couch and wait. Dad sat in his easy chair and proceeded to read his newspaper, while the family dog, Rover, jumped onto the couch and sniffed out the stranger.
    Suddenly, the young man felt the urge to fart and didn't know what to do, however, since the dog was nearby, he decided to squeak it out and feign innocence.
    "Brrroough," went the fart! Dad peered over his newspaper and said, "Rover! Get off that couch!"
    The young man was relieved. Obviously, Dad thought Rover had done the deed. Soon, another fart rumbled in the young man's guts, and he let it rip, assured that Rover would once again be blamed.
    Sure enough, Dad peered over his newspaper and said more sharply, "Rover! I said get off the couch!"
    Happily, the young man decided that he could fart whenever the urge arose and he let yet another one more...

    This is an Actual Article from the Los Angeles Times:
    "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying
    to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe
    Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomasszewski, and his homosexual
    partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after
    a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
    "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,"
    he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had
    enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
    into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a
    hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what happened next.
    "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the
    tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair more...

    Ernie the Hamster

    Hot 4 years ago

    If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish It's a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!!
    Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:
    Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
    I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.)
    "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" My son demanded.
    "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
    I was equally more...

    One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there." He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there." He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there." He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?" "No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."

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