Environmental Jokes

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    Global warming

    Hot 8 months ago

    "... Perhaps of even greater significance is the
    continuous and profound distrust of science and technology
    that the environmental movement displays. The environmental
    movement maintains that science and technology cannot be
    relied upon to build a safe atomic power plant, to produce
    a pesticide that is safe, or even bake a loaf of bread that
    is safe, if that loaf of bread contains chemical preservatives.
    When it comes to global warming, however, it turns out that
    there is one area in which the environmental movement
    displays the most breathtaking confidence in the reliability
    of science and technology, an area in which, until recently,
    no one-even the staunchest supporters of science and
    technology-had ever thought to assert very much confidence
    at all. The one thing, the environmental movement holds,
    that science and technology can do so well that we are
    entitled to have unlimited confidence in them, is FORECAST
    THE more...

    God Meets BureaucracyIn the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was facedwith a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impactstatement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but wasstymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing atthe hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the firstplace. He replied that he just liked to be creative.Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded toknow how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What aboutthermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ballof fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assumingthat no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain abuilding permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half thetime. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness"Night." Officials replied that more...

    God Meets BureaucracyIn the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was facedwith a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impactstatement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but wasstymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing atthe hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the firstplace. He replied that he just liked to be creative. Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded toknow how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What aboutthermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ballof fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assumingthat no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain abuilding permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half thetime. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness"Night." Officials replied that more...

    Oil Change instructions for Women:
    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
    Money spent: Oil Change $20. 00 Coffee $1. 00 Total $21. 00

    Oil Change instructions for Men:
    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50. 00.
    2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20. 00, drive home.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.
    5) Find jack stands under kids pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms more...

    In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth...
    He was then faced with a class action lawsuit for failing to file an
    environmental impact statement from HEPA (Heavenly Environmental
    Protection Agency), an angelically staffed agency dedicated to keeping
    the universe pollution free.
    God was granted a temporary permit for the heavenly portion of the
    project, but was issued a cease and desist order on the Earthly
    portion of the project, pending further investigation by HEPA. Upon
    completion of His construction permit and environmental impact
    statement, God appeared before HEPA council to answer some questions.
    When asked why He began these projects in the first place, He simply
    replied that He liked to be creative. This was not considered an
    adequate reason and He was required to substantiate this further.
    HEPA was unable to see any practical use for Earth anyway, since "The
    Earth was void and empty and darkness was on the more...

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