Environmental Jokes

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    Global warming

    Hot 1 year ago

    "... Perhaps of even greater significance is the
    continuous and profound distrust of science and technology
    that the environmental movement displays. The environmental
    movement maintains that science and technology cannot be
    relied upon to build a safe atomic power plant, to produce
    a pesticide that is safe, or even bake a loaf of bread that
    is safe, if that loaf of bread contains chemical preservatives.
    When it comes to global warming, however, it turns out that
    there is one area in which the environmental movement
    displays the most breathtaking confidence in the reliability
    of science and technology, an area in which, until recently,
    no one-even the staunchest supporters of science and
    technology-had ever thought to assert very much confidence
    at all. The one thing, the environmental movement holds,
    that science and technology can do so well that we are
    entitled to have unlimited confidence in them, is FORECAST
    THE more...

    God Meets BureaucracyIn the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was facedwith a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impactstatement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but wasstymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing atthe hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the firstplace. He replied that he just liked to be creative.Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded toknow how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What aboutthermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ballof fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assumingthat no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain abuilding permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half thetime. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness"Night." Officials replied that more...

    This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.
    SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
    Dear Mr. DeVries:
    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
    Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
    A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource more...

    God Meets BureaucracyIn the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was facedwith a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impactstatement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but wasstymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing atthe hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the firstplace. He replied that he just liked to be creative. Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded toknow how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What aboutthermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ballof fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assumingthat no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain abuilding permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half thetime. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness"Night." Officials replied that more...

    Oil Change instructions for Women:
    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
    Money spent: Oil Change $20. 00 Coffee $1. 00 Total $21. 00

    Oil Change instructions for Men:
    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50. 00.
    2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20. 00, drive home.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.
    5) Find jack stands under kids pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms more...

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