Elderly Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young punk rocker gets on a city bus and sits across from an elderly man.
The punker has a multitude of colors for hair, ranging from yellow to black. He also has fluffy feather earrings with the same bright colors as his hairdo. The old man begins to stare at him with intensity.
The punker yells over to the old man, "What's the matter old man, never do anything crazy when you were young?"
The old man replies, "I did one real crazy thing when I was 21 and all drunk." The punker asks what it was the old man did. The old man replies "I had relations with a parrot and I think you're my kid!"
On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised as, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harrassed!"
The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon. Later that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harrassed!"
This time he knew it had to be taken care of soon. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats, and stooped down to question him. "Excuse me, sir, could I help you??"
The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny, you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it. I thought I'd more...
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"
Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing.One: Whew, it's windy today! Two: No. Today's Thursday! Three: So am I! Let's go to a bar!
I am a senior citizen...- I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm.- I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.- I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.- I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid...- I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.- I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.- I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.- I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over.- I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.- I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care.- I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians...- I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet.- I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.- I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg.- I'm having trouble remembering simple words like... uh...- more...
This is the story of two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community
supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will
you marry me?" After about six seconds of' careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes, Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more
pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. Did she say' yes' or did she say' no'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not
even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he
gained a more...
An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man:
You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me? In fact, I do, said the man. After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty.
And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.
This is very interesting, replied the doctor. Let me do some research and get back to you. After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said:
Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me? The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked: your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know more...