Eighteen Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Friday night, a policeman saw a car parked up at "makeout point." Shining his flashlight in the window, he saw a young man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine.
"Excuse me, son" said the cop, "but how old are the two of you?"
"I'm eighteen, sir, and" (checking his watch another time) "in ten more minutes, she'll be eighteen too!"

Q: What has eighteen legs and a pair of tits?
A: The Supreme Court.

Morris and Sidney were discussing the prospects of their upcoming retirement. While Sidney had lots of hobbies, Morris had none and was rather concerned about having nothing to do.

Sidney suggested his friend go visit his kids. Morris said, "Well, I only have two kids, but I could buy a motor home and go visit my brothers and sisters a couple of weeks each. That would take about a year."

Sidney looked a bit puzzled, so his friend said, "I'm one of eighteen kids in my family."

Sidney's eyes got rather large, contemplating eighteen children, so Morris volunteered to explain.

"The problem was, my mother was hard of hearing."

"What do you mean?" asked Sidney.

"My Mom and Dad would go to bed at night, and my Dad would ask,' Do you want to go to sleep, or what?' and my Mom would say,' What?'"

The Eighteen Bottles I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by mywife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, orelse... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. Iwithdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down thesink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew thecork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exceptionof one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the thirdbottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled thecork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down theglass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next anddrank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled thesink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then Icorked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, more...

Some older friends were dining at a restaurant, and one said how interesting it would be it you could turn back the clock and lie your life over again.
"Well, you know what I would like?" said another diner. "I`d like to be eighteen years old but to know what I know now."
At this point the counter waitress, who had been clearing the table, stopped and said,
"I`m eighteen. What is it you know?"