Dildo Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy who owns a porno shop and has his friend watch the store while he runs some errands. While the owner is away, in walks this red head lady. She walks up to the counter and asks, "How much for that pink dildo up on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$25." She said, "I'll take it!" A few minutes later in walks this brunette. She walks up to the counter and asks, "How much for that purple dildo up on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$50." She said, "I'll take it." A while later this blonde walks in. Her eyes got as big as saucers. She walked up to the counter and asked, "How much for that big silver dildo on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$100." She pays him and leaves. In walks the owner and asks how business was doing, and his friend replies, "I sold the pink dildo for $25, I sold the purple dildo for $50, and I sold your THERMOS for a $100."

Once upon a time, there once was a traveling salesman who's wife was a well known sex addict. But because the man could not be home all of the time, he often worried about his wife's faithfullness. He had noticed that she had been eyeing the young neighbor boy who cut their lawn recently. So one day the man decided to try to do something about this. After work the man entered a sexual aid shop and asked the owner to show him the selection of dildos."Why yes, of course." said the owner, "We have a very wide selection."But after looking for quite a long time, the man just did not find anything that satisfied him."Well, maybe I have just what you need." remarked the owner, "Wait here."And with that, the owner ran into the back and started digging around for quite some time. After about twenty minutes, the owner finally came out carrying a strange, rectangular box with ancient writing all over it. He set the box down on the counter and opened it for more...

Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? A: They are both substitute meats.

There is a girl in her bedroom and her father opens the door and see's her with a 10 inch dildo in her hand. He asks her what it's for and she says "You know dad, I'm pretty ugly and not very appealing to men at all and I have to get my pleasure somehow." So he just closes the door and leaves the room. One week later, the girl walks into the father's den and sees him standing there with a drink in one hand and the 10 inch dildo in the other. She say's "Dad, what are you doing with that!" And the father say's "I'm having a drink with my son-in-law!"

This guy just started at his new job, working at a porn shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and asks if he could handle it alone for a bit. The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in. She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"He answers, "$35."She: "How much for the black one?"He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before."She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?"He: "$35."She: "How much for the white one?"He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..."She pays him, and off she goes.About more...

dad comes home from work an sees his 16 year old daughter with a bright pink dildo up her vaginal area.the dad says "just what the hell are you doing?" the daughter replies "well dad you wont let me have a boyfriend so here is my idea." that night the young girl goes out to a party for a couple of hours with a few friends.she comes home and finds her dad on the lounge watching footy, a bottle of beer in his hand an her bright pink dildo up his ass.she says "dad what the hell are you doing?" the dad replies "im having a beer with your boyfriend.!"

A man was going to go on vacation, and in order to make sure that his wife didn't have sex with anybody else, he went to buy her a present. He walked into a small store on the corner, and told the owner his situation.
The owner felt that he had a solution, and pulled out a small box. Inside the box was a dildo.The man said"
So what, its just a dildo."
The owner replied that it was a special dildo and said voodoo penis the door. The penis began to bang the door. The man said stop, and it stopped.
The man brought it to his wife, then left. The wife used it and afeter about 4 orgasms she decided to stop. She couldn't stop the penis.
She decided to go to the hospital and get it taken out. While she was driving she was pulled over. The woman told the police officer what happened, and he said "
voodoo penis my ass"