Gone Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus, and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. While his father was gone buying popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
    "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, not that at the other end."
    "Oh, that's the elephant's tail."
    "No, Mom. Down underneath."
    His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
    Pretty soon the father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda.
    While she was gone the boy repeated his questions.
    "That's the elephant's trunk, son," he replied.
    "Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing at the other end, down underneath the elephant's tail."
    The father took a good look, "Oh. That's the elephant's penis." "Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
    The man took a deep breath and more...

    After I'm Gone

    Hot 1 year ago

    Fred had not been feeling well, so he went to his long time doctor.
    The doctor did some tests and walked back into the room.
    "Fred, I have some bad news for you, and I really don't know how to tell you. I've rerun all the tests and double checked the results. You are going to die of cancer. There is no cure for what you have. You have about 6 to 8 weeks to live."
    "Well Doc, I am glad you told me straight out though. Now I can get all my personal affairs in order."
    The doctor felt badly about Fred and the next day was at the gym when he heard two guys talking. "Did you hear about Fred?" "Yeah, I heard that he is dying of AIDS!"
    This really upset the doctor and he rushed over to a telephone to call Fred.
    "Hello Fred? Did you understand what I told you yesterday?"
    "Of course Doc. I am dying of cancer and have 6 to 8 weeks to live."
    "But I just heard two of your friends say you were dying of more...

    Voodoo Dick

    Hot 6 years ago

    Once upon a time, there once was a traveling salesman who's wife was a well known sex addict. But because the man could not be home all of the time, he often worried about his wife's faithfulness. He had noticed that she had been eyeing the young neighbor boy who cut their lawn recently. So one day the man decided to try to do something about this. After work the man entered a sexual aid shop and asked the owner to show him the selection of dildos.
    "Why yes, of course." said the owner, "We have a very wide selection."
    But after looking for quite a long time, the man just did not find anything that satisfied him.
    "Well, maybe I have just what you need." remarked the owner, "Wait here."
    And with that, the owner ran into the back and started digging around for quite some time. After about twenty minutes, the owner finally came out carrying a strange, rectangular box with ancient writing all over it. He set the box down on the more...

    Dear Wife

    Hot 4 years ago

    DEAR WIFE

    I'm writing this letter to you to tell you that I'm leaving you.

    I've been a good man to you for seven years, yet I have nothing to show for it.

    Life with you is unbearable. I called you at work just to see if you wanted to have lunch ( you know, maybe try to reconnect) and your boss told me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

    Last week you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new aircut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand-new pair of silk boxers to bed.

    You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching TV. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want to be intimate or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore.

    Whatever the case, I'm gone.
    Your Ex-husband

    P. S.: Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving to West Virginia, if that's a problem, TOUGH!

    DEAR more...

    Losing my mind!

    Hot 5 years ago

    An agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist's office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears.
    "Doctor, my memory's gone. Gone! I can't remember my wife's name.
    Can't remember my children's names. Can't remember what kind of car I drive.
    Can't remember where I work. It was all I could do to find my way here!?!"
    "Calm down sir! How long have you been like this?"
    "Like what?"

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