A little boy heard his mom and dad fightin and the mom called the dad a bastard and he called her a bitch so the boy asks whats a bitch and whats a bastard? The parents said well, a bitch is a girl and a bastard is a boy. So the little boy then hears the neighbor say to his wife, im gonna stick my dick in your pussy and the boy again asks his parents what a pussy and a dick are. the parents say, well, a dick is a hat and a pussy is a coat. So the boy goes on and then his dad is shaving and he cuts himself and says Shit. So the boy asks, whats shit dad? and the father says its a type of shaving cream. Then he is downstairs and the mother is cuttin the turkey and she cuts herself and says Fuck. the boy asks mom what does fuck mean? and she says its a way of cuttin turkey. Then all the family and friends come over for thanksgiving and the boy answers the door and says," hey all you bitches and bastards! Please hand me your pussies and dicks and wait in the living room. my parents more...
A man was about to die, so he went to a black magic store to get a voodoo dick. The man at the store said, "It works. Anything you tell it to go to, it goes. So your wife can just say, 'Voodoo dick, my pussy.'"
The man buys it and gives it to his wife. She says, "Voodoo dick, my pussy." It goes in and starts screwing. But she doesn't know how to get it out. So she speeds to the hospital, but a cop catches her. He says, "What's the hurry?" She says, "There's a voodoo dick stuck in my pussy." The cop says, "Voodoo dick, my ass!"
One day a boy asks his dad,"What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?" Dad thought for a minute and said, "Come with me." He took his son to his mother's bedroom, where shewas sleeping nude. "Son," he whispered, "see thatbrown soft furry patch? That is a pussy." The boy asked, "May I touch it to see how soft andfurry it is?" "No!" replied his father. "That might wake up the cunt."
Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!
1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
and moist. A cunt is what owns it.
2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.
3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.
4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
enough to build up pressure.
5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.
6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
way to shut a woman up!
7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.
A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem." She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are.
He says "well, pussy and bitch".
She says "Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy."
He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement.
He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning.
Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she cant handle them. What are the words?"
He tells him...pussy and bitch.
Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pussy."
"OK dad, so more...