Except Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Dictator

    Hot 7 years ago

    Olie and Lena are getting ready to go to a Halloween party. Lena comes out almost naked except for a ribbon with a lemon tied around her waist.
    Olie days, "Lane, is that what you're going to wear?"
    Lena says, "Yes Olie, it is."
    Then Olie goes back and comes out almost naked except for a ribbon with a potato tied around his waist
    Lena asks, "Olie, is that what you're gonna wear to the party?"
    Olie says, "Yes, I figured if you could go as a sour puss, I could go as a dictator."

    Bear and rabbit

    Hot 6 years ago

    A bear was chasing a rabbit around the woods, when the rabbit came across a magic frog. He said that if they stopped fighting he'd grant them 3 wishes each "Bear, you go first" the frog said. So the bear wished that all the bears in the wood except him were female. The rabbit then asked for a motorbike." poof, two wishes left." " duh, " thought the bear, "rabbit could have just asked for money and then he could have bought his own motorbike" So bear then wished that all the bears except him in the next wood were female too. The rabbit then asked for a motorcycle helmet, put it on and kickstarted the engine. The bear was shocked at how thick the rabbit was being, he could have asked for more money and bought his own
    " Rabbit, your last wish" the frog said. The rabbit said: "I wish the bear was gay", and drove off into the distance.

    Act Religious

    Hot 2 years ago

    A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated virtually all our visibility."
    The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a semi-retired minister...
    "Now, now, keep calm, folks" he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray."
    Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except fellow near the back.
    "Why aren't you bowing your head to pray?" the minister asked.
    "Well, I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger.
    "Well, just do something religious!" piped up another well meaning passenger.
    So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat...

    Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.

    Voodoo Dick

    Hot 4 years ago

    There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.
    So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, to the old man.
    "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..." said the old man, and then he stopped.
    "Except what?" asked the businessman.
    "Nothing, nothing," said the old man.
    "C'mon, tell me! I more...

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