Delusion Jokes

Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive.
Nothing seemed to work.
Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," the patient replied.
"Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger... "Dead men do bleed!!"

Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don`t bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don`t bleed. "Do you now agree that dead men don`t bleed?" the doctor asked. "Yes, I do," Banta replied. "Very well, then," the doctor said. He took out a pin and pricked the patient`s finger. Out came a trickle of blood. The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?" "Oh my goodness!" Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger. .. "Dead men do bleed!!"

Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive.Nothing seemed to work.Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed."Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked."Yes, I do," the patient replied."Very well, then," the doctor said.He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?""Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger. .. "Dead men do bleed!!"

The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a "Lord Nelson." The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the men might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the room that night.
The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he was told: "Doctor, I've been suffering from a delusion. I know now that I am not Lord Nelson."
"That's wonderful," said the doctor.
"Yes," said the patient, smiling demurely, "I'm Lady Nelson."