Decorated Jokes / Recent Jokes

A judge has ruled that a 68-year-old Michigan woman facing possible jail time after painting over a fire hydrant near her home that had been decorated by children is in the clear. It all became moot when a dog decorated it two hours later.

A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to the front door. His knock is answered by Gladys. "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him."Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," heanswers. The other two old spinsters gather around the door. "Who's out there? Does he look decent?" they ask. Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on."The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is... let him in!"

10. There's potpourri hanging from his/her collar.
9. The dog's nails have been cut with pinking shears.
8. The dog toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.
7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia bows.
6. That telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.
5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.
4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.
3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of your
dog's crate.
2. Your dog goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme colored
virgin wool hand-knitted sweater with matching boots.
1. The dog droppings in your backyard have been sculpted into swans.

A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to the front door.
His knock is answered by Gladys. "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him. "Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," he answers.
The other two old spinsters gather around the door. "Who's out there? Does he look decent?" they ask.
Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on."
The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is... let him in!"

Mrs. Bandlow says to her husband,....."I had the strangest dream last night. It was Christmas, and our tree was decorated with all kinds of penises. White ones, black ones, circumcised and uncircumcised, big and small. And on the top of the tree was the *perfect* penis."
Mr. Bandlow says, "I bet that one was mine?"
She says, "Sorry, honey, it wasn't."
He says, "You know, it's weird, but I had almost the same dream. A Christmas tree decorated with pussies... shaven and unshaven, thin and thick lips, scented and unscented... and the one on the top was the *perfect* pussy."
She says, "I suppose that one on the top was mine?"
He says, "Nope. Yours was holding up the tree!"