Veteran Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Memorial Day

    Hot 2 months ago

    As told to me by a friend in the British Army:
    A British officer spotted a "busker" (street singer/bum) at the
    bottom of the escalator of the London Underground. The busker
    had a sign which read: "VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE FALKLANDS WAR."
    The officer thought, "Poor chap, I was there and it was awful!"
    Feeling sorry for a fellow veteran, the officer took 20 pounds out of
    his wallet and gave it to the busker. The officer was then greeted
    with a hearty: "Gracias, Senor!!"

    SHORTY

    Hot 4 years ago

    A brand new prostitute at a Nevada brothel was assigned her first customer. She went into the room with the customer and just less than a minute later, came out laughing hysterically. The madam confronted her, saying, "You were with him less than a minute and came out laughing. That's no way to treat a customer."
    The rookie prostitute replied, "I just couldn't help it. He undressed and when I looked down at his dick it was the size of a peanut and had a tattoo on it which says 'SHORTY'!"
    The madam was furious, and assigned a veteran prostitute to go in and give this poor guy his money's worth.
    A half hour later, the veteran prostitute came out of the room. She could barely walk and her eyes were beaming! She kept saying "WOW!" over and over again. She walked over to the rookie prostitute and said, "You needed to spend more time with this guy. When he gets excited that tattoo reads: 'SHORTY'S BAR AND GRILL - FINE DINING - ALBUQUERQUE, NEW more...

    A decorated war veteran

    Hot 2 years ago

    A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to the front door. His knock is answered by Gladys. "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him."Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," heanswers. The other two old spinsters gather around the door. "Who's out there? Does he look decent?" they ask. Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on."The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is... let him in!"

    Noted Dough Boy Dies
    Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe
    yeast infection He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest
    funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs.
    Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the
    Hostess Twinkies The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime
    friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who
    "never knew he was kneaded".
    Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with
    turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of
    his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he
    was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife.
    They had two children, and...
    one in the oven.

    A group of golfers were telling tall stories.

    At last came a veteran's turn. "Well," he said, "I once drove a ball, accidentally of course, through a cottage window. The ball knocked over an oil lamp and the place caught on fire!""

    What did you do?" asked his friends.

    '"Oh," said the veteran, "I immediately teed another ball, took careful aim, and hit the fire alarm on Main Street. That brought out the fire engine before any major damage was done."

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