Cunt Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy gets on an elevator with a deadly looking blonde and after going up a few floors he turns to her and says "Exuse me miss but can i smell your cunt?" She looks at the guy horrified and says "Of course not!!", so he says "Sorry it must be your feet then!"

Bob was driving home after a day at the construction site; over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph.
Wouldn't you know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob pulled over like a good citizen; recalling Rodney King and recent illegal alien incidents.
The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going BOY?" Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, "That's speeding and your getting a ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good look at the young bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob said, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath, said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a cunt stretcher," replied Bob.
"What you say, BOY?!!" asked the patrolman. more...

in a swer two tampons are raceing two peroid pads one says too the other there suck up the cunt ha ha

NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have beenusing foul language during the execution of their duties. Due tocomplaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type oflanguage will no longer be tolerated.We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properlyexpress their feelings when communicating with other employees. Withthis in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list ofcode phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue inan effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitivebrethren.Old Phrase New Phrase1. No fucking way I'm fairly sure that this is not feasible2. Your fucking joking Really3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by... 4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project5. I don't have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem7. Eat shit and die You don't say8. Eat shit more...

One day a boy asks his dad,"What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?" Dad thought for a minute and said, "Come with me."He took his son to his mother's bedroom, where shewas sleeping nude. "Son," he whispered, "see thatbrown soft furry patch? That is a pussy." The boy asked, "May I touch it to see how soft andfurry it is?" "No!" replied his father. "That might wake up the cunt."

Q. whats the difference between saddam hussein and a tampon?
A. a tampon is a string hanging from a cunt, and saddams is a cunt hanging from a string

Teacher asks Johny:"Make a sentence with contagious".Johny replies"as you grow, your cunt ages"!