Credit Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors? A: A superior being.

General Education:
GE101:
Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges
GE102:
How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
GE103:
Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity
GE104:
Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera
Driver's Education:
DE101:
Getting Past Automatic Transmission
DE102:
The Meaning of Blinking Red Lights
DE103:
Approximating a Constant Speed
DE104:
Makeup and Driving-It's As Simple As Oil and Water
DE105:
How to Parallel Park
DE106:
Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps
Economics:
EC101:
Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")
EC102:
How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How to Cut
Credit Cards in Half")
EC103:
How to Earn Your Own Money
Home Economics:
HE101a:
Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Prematurely
HE101b:
Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear more...

Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

- You’re so stupid, when you saw sails at a harbor, you returned with your credit card.
- You were at a meadow, and at hearing “Look at those tall reeds, ” you responded, “I forgot my glasses”.
- You tried drowning a fish.
- It took you 6 months to complete a puzzle on which the box said 1-2 years.
- You went to the frozen food section of the store with a fishing rod.
- You thought 1+1 equaled 0, because 2 pieces of air cannot be combined.

When Fred was applying for a credit card, the manager of the credit card company asked him if he had much money in the bank. "I have," said Fred. "How much?" asked the manager. "I dont know exactly," said Fred, "I havent shaken it lately."

Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
I know. I know. I know that people say "It's the thought that counts, not the gift", but couldn't people think a little biger!
Santa Claus is a Jolly fellow! Imagine all that driving and still being able to say "Ho! Ho! Ho!
Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna.
Every year, Christmas becomes less a birthday and more a Clearance Sale.
Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and thanks to credit cards, it's on my Visa Card Statement twelve months a year also.
Some of these new toys are so creative and inventive. This year they have a Neurotic Doll. It's wound up already.
I bought my friend some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift-wrap counter and told them to wrap it, but in different paper, so he'd know when to stop unwrapping.
When I was young we were poor. We didn't have a Christmas tree, we had a Christmas stump.
When more...

Updated Version for the 90's woman:
1. Have dinner ready. Make reservations ahead of time. If your day becomes too hectic just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you'd like to eat and at what time. This lets him know that your day has been crappy and give him an opportunity to change your mood.
2. Prepare yourself. A quick stop at the "Clinique" counter on your way home will do wonders for your outlook and will keep you from becoming irritated every time he opens his mouth. (Don't forget to use his credit card!)
3. Clear away the clutter. Call the housekeeper and tell her that any miscellaneous items left on the floor by the children can be placed in the Goodwill box in the garage.
4. Prepare the children. Send the children to their rooms to watch television or play Nintendo. After all, both of them are from his previous marriage.
5. Minimize the noise: If you happen to be home when he arrives, be in the bathroom with the door more...