Credit Jokes / Recent Jokes

Back in the days of the Mattel Cabbage Patch Kid craze it was usually very hard to get one for the kiddies.
A radio station (I don't know where) announced that Mattel was going to get Cabbage Patch Kids out to the people of this particular city.
The plan was that they had to go to the football field of the local university and wait. An airplane would fly overhead and the dolls would be dropped onto the field.
People were supposed to hold their credit cards up so that a photographer with a telephoto lens in the airplane could get the credit card numbers and charge the price of the dolls to the recipients' accounts.
People actually showed up, waving American Express cards in the breeze.

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

NEW VIRUS ALERT... immediately scan your computer for the following
viruses!
Pat Buchanan Virus:
Your system works fine, but complains loudly about
foreign software.
Colin Powell Virus:
Makes it's presence known but doesn't do anything.
Secretly you wish it would.
Hillary Clinton Virus:Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a
year later; in another directory.
O.J. Simpson Virus:You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but
you just can't prove it.
Bob Dole Virus:Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be
much of a threat.
Steve Forbes Virus:All files reported as the same size.
Paul Revere Virus:This virus doesn't horse around, warns you of
impending attack. Once if by LAN, twice if by C.
Politically Correct Virus:Never identifies itself as a "virus", but
instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
Ross Perot Virus:Activates every component in your more...

Credit Card Classic Sarcasm!!

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 20th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an
uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send more...

My credit was so bad credit card offers came pre-denied. Then someone stole my identity and actually improved my score. Now I qualify for a Visa card that comes already cut up.

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity2. You Too Can Do Housework3. Resistance to Beer4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called "Don't Wash My Silks")9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence13. You, The Weaker Sex14. Reasons To Give Flowers15. Garbage - Getting It To The Curb16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat18. Give Me A Break - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without more...

29 Members of Congress have been accused of spousal abuse. 7 Have been arrested for fraud. 19 Have been accused of writing bad checks. 117 Have bankrupted at least two businesses. 3 Have been arrested for assault. 71 Have credit reports so bad they can't qualify for a credit card. 14 Have been arrested on drug related charges. 8 Have been arrested for shoplifting, 21 Are current defendants in lawsuits. 84 Were stopped for drunk driving in 1998 alone, but released after they claimed Congressional immunity