Consultant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A female computer consultant is helping a smug man set up his machine. She asks him what password he'd like to log on with. Wanting to embarrass the woman, he tells her to enter the word PENIS. Without saying a thing, she keys in the password and almost dies laughing at the computer's reply: PASSWORD REJECTED - NOT LONG ENOUGH.

Brahma: Systems Installation
Vishnu: Systems Support
Lakshmi: Finance and Accounts
consultant (SAP)
Shiva: DBA (crash specialist)
Ganesh: Documentation specialist
Narada: Data Transfer
Brihaspathi: Chief Information Officer.
Yama: ReOrganisation Consultant
ChitraGupta: Personnel Records
Apsaras: Downloadable Viruses
Devas: Y2k Programmers
Surya: Solaris adminstrator
Rakshasas: In house Hackers
Ram: Hardware Support -
single user
specialist
Lakshman: Support software and
Backup
Ravan: Internet Explorer - WWW
Hanuman: RS6000

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 11 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 175-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 25,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

After a long day at the computer, Eve Adams, economic consultant opened her mail.

Dear Consultant:
Your firm is currently on the Timber County Environmental Consultant List on file with the Departm ent of Planning and Building Services. Those firms on the list may receive Requests for Proposals from the County acting a lead agency or be selected by a private project applicant to provide supplemental studies in support of an application related to p lanning projects which require the services of a planning consultant.
In order to effectively maintain the consultant list and provide for public interface, it has become necessary to institute a fee of $25. 00 for a two year period. It is requested t hat if you wish to remain on the list, please forward a check to this office in the amount of $25. 00 made payable to Timber County.
"If $25 gets us on the list, how much will it cost to move to the top of the list?"

Note: This is a quote fro m an more...

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 11 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 175-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 25, 000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the edge of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a suit and Ray-Ban glasses, gets out and asks the shepherd "If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sheep grazing and says, "All right."
The young man parks the car, connects the notebook and the mobile, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a data base and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He then turns to the shepherd and says "You have exactly 1586 sheep here."
The shepherd answers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep. The young man takes the sheep and puts it in the back of his jeep."
The shepherd looks at him and asks "If I guess your profession, will more...