Consultant Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    What is a Consultant?

    Hot 5 years agoby Anonym

    A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
    A consultant is a man who knows 99 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women.
    A consultant is someone who is called in at the last moment and paid enormous amounts of money to assign the blame.

    A Man Had A Siamese Cat

    Hot 5 years ago

    A man had a siamese cat that howled all night, every night. The sleepless man concluded that the cat has too much testosterone and took him to the vet to be castrated. To the great surprise of the man and all his neighbors, the cat continued howling.

    "Why are you doing it now?" they asked the cat.

    "Now I am a consultant."

    A female computer consultant is helping a smug man set up his machine. She asks him what password he'd like to log on with. Wanting to embarrass the woman, he tells her to enter the word PENIS. Without saying a thing, she keys in the password and almost dies laughing at the computer's reply: PASSWORD REJECTED - NOT LONG ENOUGH.

    A mainframe computer on which everyone in the office depended suddenly went down.
    They tried everything but it still wouldn't work. Finally they decided to call in a high-powered computer consultant.
    He arrived, looked at the computer, took out a small hammer and tapped it on the side. Instantly the computer leapt back to life.
    Two days later the office manager received a bill from the consultant for $1,000.
    Immediately he called the consultant and exclaimed, "One thousand
    dollars for fixing that computer?! You were only here five minutes! I want the bill itemized!"
    The next day the new bill arrived. It read,
    Tapping computer with hammer: $1
    Knowing where to tap: $999

    Brahma: Systems Installation
    Vishnu: Systems Support
    Lakshmi: Finance and Accounts
    consultant (SAP)
    Shiva: DBA (crash specialist)
    Ganesh: Documentation specialist
    Narada: Data Transfer
    Brihaspathi: Chief Information Officer.
    Yama: ReOrganisation Consultant
    ChitraGupta: Personnel Records
    Apsaras: Downloadable Viruses
    Devas: Y2k Programmers
    Surya: Solaris adminstrator
    Rakshasas: In house Hackers
    Ram: Hardware Support -
    single user
    Lakshman: Support software and
    Ravan: Internet Explorer - WWW
    Hanuman: RS6000

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