Column Jokes

A priest was in the confessional booth with a fairly long line of people waiting for their confession. The priest had to go to the bathroom something awful and couldn't hold it for another minute. Not wanting to upset all of the people in line, he frantically looked out the back door for another priest to help him out but there wasn't a priest to be found.Suddently the janitor pushed his broom past the back of the booth and the priest grabbed him and said, "You just gotta help me out. I have to go to the bathroom and the line is so long."It's very simple", said the Priest. "There on the wall is a chart... column A lists the sins and column B lists the penance. Just find the sin on the chart and tell them what their penance is."The janitor agreed that it sounded pretty simple and wanted to help the holy Father so he agreed to fill in for the priest in the booth while the priest hurried away to the bathroom.The very next person in line entered the booth and more...

So, you have been outdone by people who use buzzwords. Maybe you are trying hard to impress
you boss and colleagues. Or, maybe you are a professor who need some new ideas for a paper.
Whatever your needs, we can help. For $19. 99, you can get Buzzword Generator for your field
of work. For example, when you order a Buzzword Generator for Managers, you will receive a
table like this one:

COLUMN I COLUMN II COLUMN III
--------------------- --------------------- ----------------
0. integrated 0. management 0. options
1. heuristic 1. organizational 1. flexibility
2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability
3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility
4. functional 4. digital 4. programming
5. responsive 5. logistical 5. scenarios
6. optional 6. transitional 6. time-phase
7. synchronized 7. incremental 7. projection
8. compatible 8. third-generation 8. hardware
9. futuristic 9. policy 9. contingency

The more...

THE OFFICIAL DO-IT YOURSELF SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT

To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with' Thou':


Column 1. |. Column 2. |. Column 3

artless. |. base-court. |. apple-john
beslubbering. |. beef-witted. |. barnacle
bootless. |. beetle-headed. |. bladder
churlish. |. boil-brained. |. boar-pig
clouted. |. clay-brained. |. bum-bailey
craven. |. common-kissing. |. canker-blossom
dankish. |. dizzy-eyed. |. coxcomb
droning. |. doghearted. |. codpiece
fobbing. |. elf-skinned. |. flap-dragon
gleeking. |. flap-mouthed. |. foot-licker
goatish. |. fly-bitten. |. fustilarian
impertinent. |. fool-born. |. gudgeon
jarring. |. guts-griping. |. harpy
loggerheaded. |. half-faced. |. hedge-pig
mammering. |. hedge-born. |. hugger-mugger
mewling. |. idle-headed. |. lewdster
pribbling. |. ill-nurtured. |. more...

Since Dehradun is not far from Punjab, many Punjabis sought admission to the D. A. V college, Dehradun (formerly in U. P. but now in Uttaranchal). However, since preference was given to boys and girls from U. P., outsiders were asked to state their length of residence in U. P., and attach their certificates. A boy from a Punjab village filled in his form and against the column' length of residence' wrote' 366 km.'
Another applicant filling details of his name, address, etc., wrote against the column,' born', the simple reply:' Yes.'

Copied from Ann Landers' Column:
Dear Ann Landers: My next-door neighbor is my dearest friend. Yesterday, over coffee at my kitchen table, she seemed quite upset with her husband, "Jerry". It is a well-known fact that he has been running around on her for years, so I asked her if she had ever considered a divorce. She said, "Divorce - never. But murder? Yes."
She continued, "Last night, I had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night - a common occurrence. I didn't want to turn on the light for fear of waking Jerry, so I groped my way, as I have done many times before. When I reached my destination, I poised myself to be seated and fell right into the bowl. It seems my darling husband, for the millionth time, had left the seat up."
I listened patiently, trying my darnedest not to laugh. I could tell she didn't see anything funny about it. Finally, she said, "I wonder what Ann Landers would say." I told her I would write and ask. more...