Confession Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One day a girl went to church to make a confession
    GIRL: Forgive me father for I have sined
    PRIEST: What have you done my child
    GIRL: I called a man a son of a bitch
    PRIEST: Why did you call him a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Caused he touched my hand
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he touches her hand)
    GIRL:Yes father.
    PRIEST: That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Then he touched my breast.
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he touched her breast)
    GIRL: Yes father
    PRIEST: That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Then he took off my clothes father
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he takes off her clothes)
    GIRL: Yes father
    PRIEST: That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch
    GIRL: Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where
    PRIEST: Like this, (as he stuck his you know what into her you know here)
    GIRL: YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER
    PRIEST: (after a few minutes) that's no reason to call him a son of a more...

    Checks

    Hot 2 years ago

    A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. "-I know,-" he says, "they say 'you can't take it with you.' But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something." They each agree to carry out his wish.
    Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, "-Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we more...

    An old man walks into a church, and goes for a confession.
    The priest pulls back the window, and the old man says:"Forgive me father, for I have sinned"
    The priest says: "Tell me, my son...."
    The old man explains: "I am 80 years old, and I have recently started a relationship with a woman of 25. She is absolutely gorgeous, and we have been having unbelievable sex 3 or 4 times a day, every day...I can almost not catch my breath...it's a mind-blowing experience"
    The priest then asks: "How long has this relationship been going on?"
    The old man replies: "About 2 months..."
    The priest then asks: "When was the first time that you confessed this relationship?"
    The old man replies:"Today"
    The priest asks:"Why is this the first time?"
    The old man explains:"Actually this is my first ever confession"...
    The priests (naturally) asks: "Why?"
    The old man more...

    Husband Looks Bad

    Hot 7 years ago

    The doctor came out of the operating room to talk with the man's wife. "I don't like the looks of your husband," he said.
    "Neither do I," said the wife, "but he's not home much, and he's great with the kids."

    A priest was in the

    Hot 6 years ago

    A priest was in the confessional booth with a fairly long line of people waiting for their confession. The priest had to go to the bathroom something awful and couldn't hold it for another minute. Not wanting to upset all of the people in line, he frantically looked out the back door for another priest to help him out but there wasn't a priest to be found.Suddently the janitor pushed his broom past the back of the booth and the priest grabbed him and said, "You just gotta help me out. I have to go to the bathroom and the line is so long."It's very simple", said the Priest. "There on the wall is a chart... column A lists the sins and column B lists the penance. Just find the sin on the chart and tell them what their penance is."The janitor agreed that it sounded pretty simple and wanted to help the holy Father so he agreed to fill in for the priest in the booth while the priest hurried away to the bathroom.The very next person in line entered the booth and more...

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