Cigar Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little boy sees his grandpa smoking a cigar, the boy says, hey grandpa can i have a puff of that cigar, the grandpa asks, can your dick touch your asshole, and the boy says no grandpa its to short, so the grandpa says then you cant have any of my cigar. Later that day, the boy sees his grandpa drinking a beer. The boy asks hey grandpa, can i have a sip of your beer? and the grandpa replies, i don't know, can your dick touch your asshole yet? Again the boy replies no grandpa it's still too short, and the grandpa says, Then you can't have any of my beer. The next day, the boy's mom made him some cookies, and the grandpa walks in and says, hey kid can i have one of those cookies? The boy asks him, can your dick touch your asshole? The grandpa gets a big smile on his face, nods, and says why yes, yes it can. The little boy smiles back and says, well grandpa then you can go fuck yourself because you're not getting any of these cookies.

At the end of World War II Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin met at the
famous Yalta Conference. During a break the three chiefs of state were
relaxing. Wanting to show off a bit Roosevelt took out a silver
cigarette case on which was engraved: "To FDR from a loyal Democratic
Party."
Not to be outdone Churchill took out a gold cigar case on which
was engraved: "To Winston from the loyal Tories."
Stalin then smiled broadly and reaching into his vest withdrew an enormous
cigar case encrusted with rubies and emeralds on which was written: "To
Count Esterhazy from the Vienna Jockey Club."

A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.
"When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your butt. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others, in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious, you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."
"Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again.
"What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" answered the doctor.
"Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," replied the patient.
"What is that supposed to mean?" demanded the more...

Nhan Le An American GI was fighting in Vietnam. One day he received 2 letters from home, one letter comes from his mom asking for his picture, one letter comes from his girl friend also asking for his picture. He had only 1 picture that he took at a beach standing naked. He didn't know what to do so he decided to cut the picture into two, the top half he sent to his girl friend. The bottom half he sent to his mom because he knew his mom had a poor eyesight, she wouldn't know. When his mom received the bottom half of his naked picture, she sighed: "Poor my little boy! He has no time to shave his beard. He looks like his father, always has a cigar on his mouth."

"Hey, Pal", the irate druggist shouted, "Put that cigar outwhile you are in my store!""I bought this cigar here!" claimed the Customer."Big Deal!", said the Druggist. "We sell condoms too."