Childbirth Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery
room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning
crews, journalists, etc.

Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.


Q. What does it mean when a more...

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents "how was I
born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you
to us."
"OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he
persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by
now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with
confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write
due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for
three generations."
-told by the minister of my church, Dr. James Kennedy,
Coral Ridge Presbyterian, Ft. Lauderdale.

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?""Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us.""Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked."Oh, the stork brought us too.""Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted."Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth. He asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" "The stork brought you to us." "Oh," said Little Johnny. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "So... how were grandpa and grandma born?" "Well, darling, the stork brought them too," said the mother. The next day Little Johnny handed in his paper to the teacher. It read, "This report is impossible to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?" "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."