Chest Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men went hunting in a dense forest. As one of them was crossing a fallen log, he tripped, dropped his rifle, and shot himself. The other two ran quickly to their unconscious friend and saw that his chest was covered with blood. Walt turned to Stan and said, "We gotta get Elmer to da hospital quick or he's gonna die."
"How 'er we gonna carry 'em?" Stan asked. "Why Elmer, he weighs a good two hunnert pounds."
"Hell Stan! That ain't nuttin'," assured Walt. "We carry bucks out bigge 'n 'at, all da time. We kin do it da same way." Walt was right.
In no time, they were pulling their 4x4 up to the emergency room door, and doctors, nurses and orderlies rushed Elmer inside. A while later, one of the doctors gave the two worried friends the bad news, "Your friend didn't make it." Walt said, "Yeah, I thought dat gunshot hit 'em in da heart."
"No," said the doctor. "The bullet actually went more...

A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry."I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest", said the eldest daughter. He then asked his second daughter whom she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest", said the second daughter. He finally asked his youngest daughter whom she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground", said the youngest daughter.

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen? ” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide, ” the blonde replied.
“What? ” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off? ”
“No silly! ” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6, 000. 00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest. ”
“So then? ” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000. 00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth. ”
“So then? ”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger. ”

A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for
their 25th anniversary.
"HA," he snorted. " The day I buy you a fur coat will
be the day you can grow hair on your chest!"
On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and
thrust her pubic area forward. "There! I have hair on my chest, now buy
me a fur coat."
"That's not your chest!" he roars back.
"Damn right it's my chest," she argued. "Before we got
married, this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure
chest. Afterwards it became our family chest. AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR
COAT IT WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"

At a party, a woman was observing a child who would hold his chest whenever he bent down.

After a few minutes, the woman asked the kid, "Why do you hold your chest whenever you bend down?"

The kid said, "One day, my teacher was writing on the board, the chalk fell down, and when my teacher bent down to pick up the chalk, I saw her lungs come out of her chest."

Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed. Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom.Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pajamas, rubs his chest and groans " I want a bike, I want a bike."

A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind. Written in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!"