Chain Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. You've ever cut your grass and found a car. 2. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. 3. You think the stock market has a fence around it. 4. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in-Theater. 5. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. 6. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 7. You own a homemade fur coat. 8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns. 9. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so Ican take a bath." 11. You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in." 12. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen. 13. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 14. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. 15. Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call fromthe Governor to spare a loved one. 16. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hallbecause of her language. 17. Someone more...

Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that's not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it.Q: How can you tell the stage you're playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor? A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.Q: Why do so many fishermen own banjos? A: They make great anchors! Q: Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo? A: They make good paddles.Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A: You can turn off a chainsaw.Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw? A: One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a Harley-Davidson motorcycle? A: You can tune a Harley.Q: What is the difference more...

Dear Friends,
This letter is being sent to you for I know that you are certainly Interested in your lawn.
The summer season is almost over, and it is time to act if You want a truly spectacular lawn. This is a fertilizer chain letter. It Will cost you nothing.
Upon receipt of this letter, go to the address of the person on the top of this list and poop on their front lawn. You will not be the only one doing this so don't be embarrassed.
Then add your name and address to the bottom of the list and send out five copies of the letter to five of your friends who appreciate a good organic lawn.
You will not get any money or checks, but within a few weeks, if this chain is not broken, there will be 9,255 people pooping on your front lawn.
Your reward will come next year when you have the greenest lawn in your neighborhood.
Mr. Harry Butt
235 Corn Cob Alley
Mr. Smell B. Hind
275 Diarrhea Way
Mrs. Lucy Bowels
298 Bedpan Road
Mr. C. Howie more...

Darrell the banjo picker's canonical list of Banjo Jokes...
(You've been warned)
Approved for all audiences
o What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)...
A. onion
No one cries when you cut up a banjo.
(b.) Uzi
An Uzi only repeats forty times.
(c.) chain saw
A chain saw has a dynamic range
and you can turn a chain saw off.
(d.) Harley Davidson motorcycle
You can tune a Harley.
(e.) Trampoline
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
o Playing the banjo is a lot like throwing a javelin blindfolded...you don't
have to be very good to get people's attention.
o What did the banjo player get on his IQ (or SAT) test?
Drool...
o Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?
It saves time in the long run.
o What will you never say about a banjo player?
That's the banjo player's Porsche.
o Banjo players are a lot like sharks-they think they have to keep playing or
they more...

This chain letter was started by a gentleman in the hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women! One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, four of whom were worth keeping.REMEMBER-this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model! An unmarried Turkish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a well-educated, sweet coed who could both work and not be too tired for fun, and a very attractive and highly successful plastic surgeon who more...

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.
Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list and add your name to the bottom of the list.
When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping.
REMEMBER this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died and the next day he received a Playboy swimsuit model. An unmarried man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood super model.
You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his own wife back more...

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy. St. Peter goes through the Book several times and furrows his brow
"You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one REALLY GOOD DEED -- you're in." The guy thinks for a moment.
"Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of' em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman. Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang Rapists formed a more...