Cattle Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Why doesnt Sweden export its cattle? It wants to keep its Stockholm!

    Why don't Blondes make good cattle herders.Because they can never keep two calves together.

    Cattle Call

    Hot 9 months ago

    When the cattle had been loaded into cars and shipped to Chicago for sale, each car was appointed an attendant to feed and water the cattle during the journey. This is the story of such a cowboy:
    Following the unloading of the cattle in Chicago, the cowboy headed to a restaurant for dinner. The only seat was next to a lady who looked wealthy and educated. He couldn't help overhearing her order. "I'll have a breast of fowl, virgin fowl, make sure it's a virgin, catch it yourself, garnish my plate with onions, a cup of coffee, not too hot, not too cold, and open the window, I smell a cow, there must be a cowboy in here."
    Thoroughly pissed off, the cowboy placed his order. "I'll have a duck, a fucked duck, make sure it's fucked, fuck it yourself, garnish my plate with horse shit, a cup of coffee, strong as Texas mule piss, blow the foam off with a fart, and knock out the wall, I smell a cunt, there must be a whore in the house."

    (Original. Inspired by Rush Limbaugh's 'Environmentalist Wacko Football
    Picks'.)
    The Tree-Hugger's Guide to the NFL
    Sure, football is a violence-glorifying testosterone orgy that should be
    banned. But that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy it when you're not
    out spiking trees or protesting your local gas station as a pollution-
    mongering crime against the Earth. But when you're watching 22 steroid-
    chomping overmuscled monsters (i.e, men) try to beat each other senseless
    in a series of imperialist land grabs, how do you know who to cheer for?
    We have the answer: Ranking the entire NFL in terms of What We Know Is
    Right.
    Our General Principles:
    Any animal is better than any human.
    Endangered animals are better than non-endangered animals.
    Native Americans are better than other oppressed/discriminated
    minorities are better than any other human.
    Humans guilty of crimes against other humans are better than more...

    A cowboy entered a church one Sunday morning and noticed that he and the preacher were the only ones present.
    The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead with his sermon. The cowboy said, "I may not be too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
    So, the preacher began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then three. Finally, the preacher finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he enjoyed the sermon.
    The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I may not be too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay!"

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