Bursts Jokes

To get into heaven you had to walk up 100 stairs but on each stair god asks you a joke if you laugh you go to HELL. So the brunette gets to the 56th stair and bursts out laughing and gets sent to hell. Then red-head gets to the 97th stair and bursts out laughing and gets sent to hell. Then the blonde gets into heaven and bursts out laughing then god asked her "why are you laughing?" the blonde replied "I just got the first one!"

Roger sits down at the counter of his local bar. "Bartender," he says, "give me the bottle of your strongest whiskey."
The bartender laughs, "Sure thing, pal, $150."
He hands Roger the bottle, who instantly begins guzzling it down.
"My God!" said the bartender, "I've never seen anyone drink whisky that fast!"
"Well," said Roger, "I'm actually part of a new medical experiment, you see I have a series of cybernetic implants designed to allow me to handle any amount of alcohol very quickly."
"Is that so?" said the bartender.
"Yes," said Roger, suddenly there is a loud buzzing from his chest.
"That's my metal stomach, codenamed old clanker, adding it to my bloodstream." Another low humming now. "That's my cyborg liver, codenamed old trusty, processing the whiskey." A high pitched whistle came from Roger's lower torso. "That is my titanium kidney, more...

An elderly man bursts into a priest`s study and says, " I`ve got to tell you this. I`m 90 years old and for the seventy years I`ve been married I never cheated on my wife. Then this sweet thing moved in next door and since then --wow!" "How long has it been since your last Confession? " asks the priest. "I`ve never been to Confession. I`m Jewish" "Then why are you telling me this?" "I`m telling everyone!"