Q:What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: Beer nuts cost a buck twenty-five. Deer nuts are under a buck!
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone.
Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt.
The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches forward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, "You're right, that 'hind-lick' maneuver works like a charm."
A cowboy is riding on the plains. He comes across an Indian buck naked lying on his back with a huge erection.
Disgusted he asked "What in the hell are you doing?"
The Indian looked at the shadow of his dick and said "It's 1:00 p.m."
The cowboy rode on. Soon he ran into another Indian. He was lying on his back naked with a hugh erection. The cowboy again asked "What in the hell are you doing?"
The Indian looked at the shadow and said "It's now 2:30 p.m."
The cowboy rode on. Later he came upon third Indian. He was lying on his back buck naked whacking himself off.
The cowboy asked "Jesus Christ! What are you doing?"
The Indian replied "I'm winding my watch."
There are 3 hunters in the woods, they're all telling each other what they're are going to shoot. The first one says he's going to get a buck. So he goes out and comes back with a buck. Then the other 2 hunters ask how he did it and he says, ''I see tracks I follow tracks I get buck''. So the second hunter says "I'm gonna get a doe." So he goes out and comes back with a doe. Then the 3rd hunter asks him how he did it. The 2nd hunter says, ''I see tracks I follow tracks I get doe''. So the 3rd hunter says, ''I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see''. So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten bruised bloody and totally trashed. And the other two hunters ask what happened and he says, ''I see tracks I follow tracks, I get hit by train!''
A coupla Aggies, Buck and Thurleen, married after graduating from Texas A&M, are driving from Dallas down to a motel in Austin for their honeymoon. Along the way, Buck reaches over and puts his hand on Thurleen's knee. Thurleen smiles, blushes and says, "Oh Buck, we're married now, you can go farther than that!" So he drove on to Laredo.