Borrow Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks in to the local pub holding a medium sized box. He places the box on the bar, takes a seat and asks the bar tender "if I show you something amazing, will you give me a free pint" the bar tender thinks for a while and agrees. The customer gently removes the lid of the box to reveal a small man playing away at a classical piano. The bar tender begins to pour a pint and asks in amazement "where did you get that" the customer responds "just outside the pub, I found a dented lamp in the rubbish, I rubbed it and out came a gene who granted me only one wish". The bar tender handed over the pint and asked "may I have the lamp so I could also have a wish". The customer didn't respond but smiled and put the lamp on the bar. The bar tender rubbed the lamp and out came a gene, "you have awaken me from me sleep, if you let me rest I will let you have one wish" the bar tender quickly says "I wish I had a million bucks" suddenly more...

All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all day long.
Bond. James Bond.
Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell I just met the girl of my dreams.
Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call your mother and thank her.
Can I buy you a car?
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Can I flirt with you?
Can I have directions to your heart?
Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Do you like apples? How about I take you home and screw the hell out of you, how'd you like them apples?
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
Do you take it up the ass?
Do you want to go out for a pizza and a screw? What, don't you like pizza?
Forget that. more...

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Bill, "what happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well."Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?" To which the man replied, "Get in line."
Good Doggie "One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, more...

One fine autumn day, Same was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, follwed by a dog, and then about two hundred men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Same went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse.
"My wife," the man replied.
"I'm sorry," said Same. "What happened to her?"
"My dog bit her and she died."
Same then asked the man who was in the second hearse.
The man replied, "my mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well."
Same thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?"
The man sighed. "Get in line"