Bishop Jokes / Recent Jokes

A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune to be made in
horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. At the local auction, however, the going
price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He figured since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise, the
donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this headline: Pastor's Ass Shows
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won!
The local paper read: Pastor's Ass Out Front.
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey
in another race. The next day, the local paper read: Bishop Scratches Pastor's Ass
The bishop was fit to be tied. He ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to
give it to a nun in a nearby convent.The more...

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day - when an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.

The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.

Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop more...

The young ladies were taking their final vows to become nuns at the Mass. The presiding bishop noticed two rabbis seated at the back of the sanctuary. They'd insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle.

The bishop was curious why they'd come, but didn't have time to ask. He went ahead and started the ceremony. Later, when it was time for announcements, the bishop went back to
where the rabbis sat.

"I'm delighted to see you both here and thank you for coming. But I'm a little curious as to why you're present on this occasion where these young women are becoming' Brides of Christ'."

The more senior of the rabbis smiled, rose to his feet, and explained, "We're' Family of the Groom'."

A priest is walking along a pier in Rome when he sees a fisherman ready to go out fishing.
He starts a conversation and the fisherman asks if he would like to go fishing with him. The priest says he knows nothing about fishing. The fisherman says he'll explain everything the priest needs to know.
As soon as they get out into deep water, the priest reels in this huge fish. The fisherman looks at the fish and says" Father, that's one big son-of-a-bitch"
The priest looks at the man and says " My son, please refrain from using that kind of language."
The fisherman thinks quick and says" No father, that's what they call this type of fish, a son-of-a-bitch"
The priest, knowing nothing about fishing says" What an interesting name"
When they get back to land, the priest is excited about the fish he caught. He runs to the parish and sees the Bishop in the Chapel.
"Hey Bishop, look at the size of this son-of-a-bitch more...

A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours.

The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says,' Give it a shot father'. After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says' Whoa, what a big sonofabitch!'

The Priest says,' Uh, please sir, can you mind your language?'

The Fisherman responds (THINKING QUICKLY),' I'm sorry father, but that's what this fish is called - a sonofabitch!'

'Oh, I'm sorry', replied the Priest.' I didn't know.' After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop.

'Eminence, look at this big sonofabitch!'

'Please Father', said the Bishop.' Mind your more...

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church, and being told there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that the preacher settled on a donkey instead. The preacher figured, since he bought the animal, he might as well race it. To his great surprise, the donkey did quite well and came in third place. The next day, the racing sheets carried this headline:

Preacher Shows Ass

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again, and this time the animal won first place. The paper said:

Preacher's Ass Out In Front

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper printed this headline:

Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass

This was too much for the Bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid more...

[From Albert's wife Wilma, who claims it is true:]
One of the problems dealt with during the training of Southern
Baptist ministers is how to handle those uncomfortable situations
in which, while the minister would be forbidden to lie, the truth
would be hurtful if not down right cruel.
As a particular case, when faced with a particularly ugly baby
-and, sadly, they do exist- the prospective minister is taught
to throw up his hands while emitting a delighted "Why! It's a baby!"
So our scene shifts to a large Baptist convention. The Bishop,
making the rounds, comes upon a young newly ordained minister who is
also a recent, proud papa. Looking down, the Bishop says, "Why, it's
a baby!" whereupon the young minister decks him.