Beagle Jokes / Recent Jokes

If a beagle cant play a bugle in the marching band, whats his other favorite instrument to play? A trombone.

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.
The following are this year's candidates:
1. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
2. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might more...

Dear God, how come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God, when we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a good ride! I know every breed can't have it's own model, but it would be real easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God, if a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God, is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?

Dear God, if we come back as humans, is that good or bad?

Dear God, more meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, when we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get more...

According to MSNBC, a beagle that had been rescued from a rooftop after hurricane Katrina was shot to death last month for growling at a man through a fence. Apparently a man with a gun felt threatened by the beagle. The man said he experienced a similar kind of rage while watching Sesame Street.

They have got to be joking! Only in America....................!!!

In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2. 9 million U. S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U. S. The ones listed below are clear candidates.
All these cases are verging on the outright ridiculous and yet with the right attorney you could win anything! (see OJ trial)
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded
780, 000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old, Carl Truman of Los Angeles won 74, 000 and medical more...

Below is an item that appeared recently in various Humor lists. It did not appear credible to me, so I wrote to the Association of Trial Lawyers of America for their comments on its veracity. Their comments (including a little propaganda for their side) follow the summary of the Stella Awards below. We may have some "goofy" legal decisions in America, but the ones below appear to be bogus.
Origin of the Stella Awards:
In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $2.9 million U.S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U.S. The ones listed below are clear candidates.
January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture more...

If a beagle can't play a bugle in the marching band, what's his other favorite instrument to play? A trombone.