Attract Jokes / Recent Jokes
A WOMEN'S PERSPECTIVE
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have more...
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony more...
The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
An Irishman was in the South of France and could not understand why Pierre had attracted so many girls on the beach and he had attracted no one. So he asked Pierre, "How do you manage to attract all the girls and I attract no one?"
Pierre said, "Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming costume, it drives the women wild."
So the Irishman stuffed a potato in his costume and paraded up and down the beach. After a great many hours, however, he still failed to arouse a woman.
So the Irishman went to see Pierre again and said, "I've tried it Pierre, it doesn't work!"
Pierre took one look at the Irishman and said, "You might try putting the potato in the front of your bathing suit!"
An Irishman was in the South of France and could not understand why Pierre had attracted so many girls on the beach and he had attracted no one. So he asked Pierre, "How do you manage to attract all the girls and I attract no one?"
Pierre said, "Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming costume, it drives the women wild."
So the Irishman stuffed a potato in his costume and paraded up and down the beach. After a great many hours, however, he still failed to arouse a woman.
So the Irishman went to see Pierre again and said, "I''ve tried it Pierre, it doesn''t work!"
Pierre took one look at the Irishman and said, "You might try putting the potato in the front of your bathing suit!"
A survey has found that about 90% of all Hallmark greeting cards are purchased by women. In order to attract more males to buy and exchange greeting cards, the following are some greeting card suggestions created to attract more male buyers: Cover picture: Dim, misty, moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: Condolances Inside caption:. .. on the loss of your remote control. Cover picture: Nostalgic picture of a young couple strolling through a field holding hands. Cover caption: Darling, as we go into our 10th year together... Inside caption: I swear I'll leave my wife soon! Cover picture: Gold-leafed picture of a vase of red roses. Cover caption: Get well soon, darling! Inside caption: This house doesn't clean itself! Cover picture: Two men standing on lush golf course, one of them ready to putt. Cover caption: To my golf partner... Inside caption: Just to let you know, I'm sleeping with my secretary. Cover picture: Dark moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: In more...