Arab Jokes / Recent Jokes

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. 'America,' the husband replied.
Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, 'She's not from the States.'
'Yes, I am.' said the wife.
He looked at her and asked, 'Is he your husband?'
'Yes,' she replied.
Turning to the husband, he offered... 'I'll give you 100 camels for her.' The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied,' She's not for sale.'
After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, 'I was trying to figure out how I'd get 100 camels back home.'

An Arab and a Jew

Hot 7 years ago

Mr. Weissenblat, a middle-aged meek Jew, is on a plane for Israel, in a window
seat. Just before take-off, this HUGE Arab wearing a beautiful gaudy multi-
coloured gown walks up and sits down beside him. A few minutes later, the
plane takes off.
All is well. For a while. But then, Mr. Weissenblat realizes that he has to go
to the washroom. That wouldn't be a problem, but he looks over and notices that
the Arab beside him is sound asleep, and Mr. Weissenblat, being a meek man is
afraid to disturb him. So he figures he'll hold it in till the Arab wakes up.
But as luck would have it, the Arab just keeps snoring away, and Mr. Weiseenbalt
is feeling increasingly more uncomfortable. After a while, he starts to feel
nauseous as well, what from holding it in combined with the plane ride. He
tries and tries to hold it in, but then "AAARRGGHH!!"-he throws up all over
the Arab and his beautiful garment. He thinks, "Oh, no! Now he's more...

An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check."That's humiliation," shouts the Iraqi, "why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!"The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head.After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, "Tell me why you didn't sign the check the first time but signed it later on?"The Iraqi said, "You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it."

What do you call Arab public relations?A: An oxymoron.

Actual transcript from meeting of "Arab Comunity Organizations of Anytown":#1: I am the leader.#2: No, I am the leader, you are not the leader.#3: No, he is the leader, I am the President.#2: Are your saying I'm not the leader?#4: Wait, I am the leader.

Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of fermented goat’s milk. One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son, he’s a martyr." "This is my second son. He is a martyr also." After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully,
"They blow up so fast, don’t they?"

Requesting a three day passAn Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?""Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"