Application Jokes / Recent Jokes

It seems that historical religious leaders (between moments of dispensing wisdom) had also learned software programming.
One day, a great contest was held to test their skills.
After days and days of fierce competition, only two leaders remained for the last day's event: Jesus and Mohammed.
The judge described the software application required for the final test, and gave the signal to start writing code.
The two contestants feverishly typed away on their keyboards. Routines, classes, applets and applications flew on their screens at incredible speeds. Windows, dialogs, and other intricate graphics began forming on their monitors. The clock showed that the contest would soon be finished.
Suddenly, a bolt of lightening flashed and the power went out.
After a moment it came back on - just in time for the clock to indicate that the last competition was over.
The judge asked the two contestants to reveal their finished software. Mohammed angrily said more...

Redneck Driver's License Application... Plez compleet this paper, best ya can. Last name: ________________First name: [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann SueAge: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty PoliticianSpouse's Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________ Lover's Name: __________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: __________________________Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] PetNumber of children living in household: ___ Number of children living in shed: ___ Number of children that are yours: ___Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's more...

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications. She is now noticing that Husband 1. 0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Husband 1. 0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She's finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2. 4, GirlsNight 3. 5 and CocktailNight 7. 0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Husband 1. 0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-ins such as MotherInLaw more...

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

She was soooooooooooooo blonde that:. .. she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.. .. she thought a quarterback was a refund.. .. she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.. .. she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.. .. she thought General Motors was in the army.. .. she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.. .. she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.. .. under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics.". .. she tried to drown a fish.. .. she tripped over a cordless phone.. .. she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said concentrate.. .. at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put Sagittarius.. .. she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.. .. it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".. .. she studied for a blood test-and failed.. .. she sold the car for gas money!. .. when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.. .. she thinks more...

A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application. As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held." I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job." "Yes," says the lady. "Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that." "Well, " says the woman as she pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter!"

33, Sussex
Middle sex
U. K.
The Advertiser
R. A. De Mel Mw.
Colombo-3.
Dear Madam
Post Of Trainee Lover In Your Heart
===================================
Being made to understand that there is a vacancy in your
heart as above, I am pleased to submit my application for the above
post.
I am Sinhalese, 22 Years of age. I eas educated in a leading
School in the City of Colombo. Whilst in school Ihave represented college
in the first eleven team in which I played Pocket Billiods, Marbles,
Bed rugger and swimming on the road. I have also been an active member
of the Women's interest in Men and the President of the Nude sex and Phonography
Club.
After my distinguied school career I have done a serious study on
INTERCOURSE. At present I am doing a course leading to the INTERNATIONALLY
recognised UNDER SKIRT ADVENTURE (U. S. A.)DIPLOMA IN WOMEN.
This also includes the following
1. more...