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This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

A lovely woman decided to visit a penthouse restaurant. So she rode the elevator to the top floor of the building. She had a drink at the bar and then decided to get some fresh air, so she walked out on the balcony. She got too close to the railing and fell over the side.
As she was falling about thirteen floors, a man was standing on the balcony below. He reached out his arms and engulfed her, pulling her to his chest. He asked, "Do you f***?" She answered, of course not. I'm not a slut!" The man opened his arms and said, "Sorry."
As she had fallen another thirteen floors, another man was standing on a balcony, and he reached out, grabbed her in his arms, pulled her to his chest and asked, "Do you suck?" She answered, "Of course not. what kind of a girl do you think I am?" The man opened his arms, and said, "Sorry."
As she had fallen another thirteen floors, another man was standing on a balcony. He reached out, more...

A Brigadier General was inspecting a Scots Highland in full parade dress. There were rows and rows of kilted brawny fine Scotsmen. As the Brigadier General started down the 3rd row he noticed a strapping lad at the end had a problem with something hanging below the hem of his kilt. As he approached the end of the row he stopped in front of this particular fellow, and looked him up and down.
"How long have ye ben in the regiment yung mun?" he asked
"Sur, I ben in the regiment abou' thrai yaars."
"Whu' might be yur name yung mun?"
"Me name's MacPhearson, Sur."
"Yur a credit to th' regiment, kape upp the gud wurk," said the Brigadier General as he moved on.
As the Brigadier General came to the 7th row he noticed another young man with something even longer below the hem of his kilt. He approached him and said,
"How long have ye ben in the regiment yung mun?"
"I've been with th' more...

Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

Once upon a time in a faraway land, a prince had a spell put on him by an evil witch. He could only say one word each year. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful girl. He wanted to call her darling, so he waited a year. When that was up, he wanted to say "Darling, I love you." So he waited another three years. But then he decided to propose. So he waited another four years to say: "Will you marry me?" After 8 years, he sat her down in a lovely garden, and said: "Darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"

"Pardon?"

One person was enjoying sun on a beach in UK and he hardly managed English.
A lady was passing him and asked him, "Are you relaxing"
The person answered' " No I am Amda"
Few minutes later another Guy Came and asked the same question.
The person answered "No.. No... Me Amda Singh"
Third one came and asked the same question?
Amda was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While he was walking he saw another person was enjoying the Beach. He went and asked
him " Are you Relaxing?" The other person answered, "Yes I am relaxing”.
Then Amda angrily said “Idiot everyone is looking for you. You are here!!!!!

ZIPPERGATE IN MOVIE TITLES PG 13
Subject: Executive Decision, True Lies, Beauty and the Beast,. ...

**Disclaimer: The following story, though based on a true story contains altered or questionable facts and statements. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent, if in fact there are any. **

This is The Never Ending Story of a 9 To 5, Working Girl, and The American President. The latter of whom offered the former an Indecent Proposal. It seems this Top Gun was Addicted To Love, to Youngblood. He had a Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, for this Pretty Woman, this Babe. He liked to Kiss The Girls, and liked Boys On The Side.... but that's Oliver's Story.

Casual Sex? No, she saw Career Opportunities, The Sure Thing. She had Great Expectations.

It was to be a Close Encounter Of The Third Kind, a Mission Impossible. We're talking Risky Business, Dangerous Ground. Till now she'd played The Saint, but this would be Unforgiven, more...