American Jokes / Recent Jokes

The big dog fight

Hot 1 year ago

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen.
Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long more...

American and Filipino

Hot 1 year agoby Iyah

A American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino
American: use my name four times in a sentence
Filipino: Paul be carePaul you mightPaul in the swimmingPaul

OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE

Hot 1 year ago

OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE?
Once upon a time, an American company and a Japanese company decided to have competitive boat race on the Bear River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they both felt as ready as they could be.
The Japanese won by a mile! Afterwards the American Team became very discouraged by the losses and morale began to sag. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A The "Continuous Improvement Team" was established to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
THEIR CONCLUSION: The problem was that the Japanese Team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereby the American Team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and millions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded more...

Biting Nuts

Hot 6 years ago

The Russian wrestling team and American wrestling team are having a 5-on-5 exhibition match. Both teams are down to their final wrestlers, tied at two wins apiece. The remaining American wrestler is 5'10", 175lbs., and his Russian counterpart is 6'7", 300lbs and all muscle. The American coach sends his wrestler into the match with little hope of winning. As expected, the Russian has with way with the American. Suddenly, the American explosively turns the match around, pins the Russian, and gains the victory for the American team.

The American wrestler returns to the sidelines where the coach asks him, "Son, how were you able to defeat that big Russian? Honestly, I didn't give you much of a chance."

The wrestler says, "Well, coach, when he had me down on the ground all rolled up, I saw a pair of nuts dangling in front of my face, and I just bit them as hard as I could."

The coach is shocked. "That's how you beat more...

World War II Pilots

Hot 1 year ago

An American pilot who had downed a German Messerschmidt, visited the German pilot in the field hospital. Finding the fellow in pretty bad shape, the American asked if he could do anything for him.
The Nazi admitted that he did have a favour to ask. "The leg they amputated, on your next bombing run, could you drop it over Germany?"
"Sure, pal."
It was a pretty weird request, but the pilot was happy to oblige and came back to tell him the mission had been carried out.
The grateful German gasped his thanks, and another request. "The other leg got very bad, they had to cut it off. Could this, too, be dropped over my homeland? It would mean a great deal to me."
The American shrugged, but returned two days later with the news that the job was done.
"Many thanks," whispered the downed Nazi, now ashen faced and unable to lift his head from the pillow. "I have just one final request. Last night they had to amputate my right more...

There were these three American Indians sitting around this campfire one night, discussing where their parents got their names from.
The first Indian said, "My parents decided to call me Jumping Deer because when they were conceiving me, a deer went jumping over them."
The second Indian said, "My parents named me Running Waterfall because when I was conceived, they were next to a waterfall."
The third Indian said, "This is really strange. My parents also named me after something that happened when I was conceived. They named me Broken Condom..."

An Englishman, an American and a Belgian were on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg. and they all rushed to the deck in order to abandon the ship.
The Englishman, being the typical gentlemen shouted "Women and children first !!"
The American, being a typical American shouted "Fuck the children !!"
And the Belgian, being a typical belgian asked "Do we have time for that...!?"