Airplanes Jokes

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    your mama so fat she can use airplanes as toys

    Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them.DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged-with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before more...

    In recent days, much has been written about the change in our national mood, and how the tragic attacks will affect the entertainment industry.
    After consulting with industry leaders, we have taken the initiative and drafted the following guidelines for comedy and for action movies. These rules are effective as of October 1.
    COMEDY RULES
    Until further notice, all violent humor is to be replaced by sexist humor.
    Similarly, all ethnic humor is to be replaced by obesity humor.
    Jokes about death are to be replaced by jokes about long-term illness.
    Jokes about long-term illness are to be replaced by jokes about minor injury.
    Any stand-up comic who does a routine about airplanes is to be accompanied onstage by a federal marshal. (We should have done this years ago.)
    No comedy is to be directed at countries with valuable airspace.
    From now on, irony can only be deployed when referring to the following:
    black flies in Chardonnays
    free rides when more...

    Q. What do Girls and Airplanes have in common.
    A. They both have Cockpits

    Submarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air!
    Response from a junior (very junior) sonar watchstander "Sonar - Conn, Report all contacts in preparation in coming to periscope depth" "Conn - Sonar, I hold no contacts - how 'bout you..?" "Sonar - Conn, Supervisor to the Conn"
    QMOW: "Navigator we're on a course for sea mounts." NAV: "Exec we're heading for shallow water." EXEC: " Captain, we're running out of water." CAPT: "What, no water,...very well, secure the showers."

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