"The perfect day fot her/him" joke
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER:
8:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses.
8:30 Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.
8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb-out.
12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe.
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30 pounds.
13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
16:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.
16:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage.
17:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before mirror.
19:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
22:00 Hot shower (alone).
22:30 Make love.
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM:
6:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today.
7:00 Breakfast, filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee.
7:30 Limo arrives.
7:45 Stoli bloody Mary en route to airport.
8:15 Private jet to Augusta, GA.
9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
9:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under).
11:45 Lunch 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 Back nine at Augusta (4 under).
14:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay Martini).
14:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap).
15:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew.
16:30 Land World record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs).
17:00 Jet back and get massage & hand job en route by naked Kathy Ireland.
18:45 Shit, shower and shave.
19:00 Watch CNN news flash: Clinton resigns - Hillary and Al Gore farm animal video released and authenticated.
19:30 Dinner, lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963) 20 oz. New York steak
21:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar.
21:30 Sex with three women.
23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
23:45 Bed (alone).
23:50 12 second, 4 octave fart - dog leaves room.
23:55 Giggle yourself to sleep.
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