Dozen Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Chicken McNuggets

    Hot 1 year ago

    Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

    The very gay young guy was feeling ill and went to visit his doctor. After a blood test, his worst fears were realized, he had AIDS. "What can I do, doc?" he said.
    The doctor replied "I want you to drive down to Mexico, stop in the first border town you come to and eat a dozen chili burritos and two dozen hot peppers. Then wash them down with a gallon of the local water."
    The guy asked "Will that cure my AIDS?"
    "No," replied the doc. "It will teach you what your asshole is really for"

    Free haircuts

    Hot 5 years ago

    A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
    A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
    A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

    A very proper man started going into the neighborhood drug store every week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week, he would come in with the same order.
    One day, the druggist felt he had to say something to the man.
    "Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?"
    The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"
    So, the druggist asked, "Then what do you do with all those condoms?"
    The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now she shits in little rubber bags."

    Bad Conductor

    Hot 2 years ago

    The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience didn't notice, the orchestra didn't notice either, but he knew he'd made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the performance had finished, he turned and faced the audience and said "Ladies and Gentleman, this is my last performance as a world class conductor. I'm now announcing my retirement."
    After a few minutes silence from the shocked audience, and orchestra too, he was greeted with boos and hisses. He walked from the stage, only to be met by his manager, standing in between two gorilla-sized bodyguards. "Oh no you don't", his manager said, "you're not retiring."
    Forced backed to work by his manager, he endured week after week of conducting he no longer wanted to do. While lying in bed one night with his wife of many years, he turned to her and said "Dear, would you be able to get me a small more...

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